doubts erased

When my faith finally became my own, my discouragement would sometimes be strong enough to cause me to desire to quit. I would think about ignoring everything I had recently learned, really heavy stuff like the assurance of my salvation, how Jesus is the only way to God, and the fact that a lot of people that think they are Christians ... are really not. I started to think that maybe this "junk" i was learning wasn't actually true. I thought about my ignorant life before I knew these life-changing "truths," and wondered if I could go back to it. It didn't seem so bad at times, just living my life for myself, answering to no one. That's what everyone told me college was about, it seemed to fit. At times, I was very tempted to take everything I had just learned, give it all back and say "I don't want it."

The worst part was, I personally didn't feel guilty for thinking these things. I knew that if I really wanted to "get out," the quicker I did the faster I would forget everything.

What kept me from throwing this away was the fact that I wouldn't just be discarding something important, I'd be throwing away the only thing I needed. The kicker was that God knew I had learned these truths, and rejected Jesus anyway. I had made the one decision everyone must make; follow Jesus with everything you've got or full-out reject him. I knew turning away from that decision was HUGE. It would be the biggest turning point in my life. I couldn't deal with that. How would God feel if I knew I needed Jesus, if I believed I needed him, if I knew deep inside I wanted him, but discarded him like a banana peel?

That moment was when I knew everything would work out: I wasn't thinking of myself, my family, my old or new friends. I was worried that God would be disappointed in me. And that was something I did not ever want.

i.

First of all, there is too much focus on the self. People are constantly concerned with their own thoughts, their own actions, their own misfortunes and their own tough breaks. How many times during one day do we look in a mirror? How many times do we start a sentence with "I?" We even complain if our friends only talk about themselves and don't want to talk about us.

There is more to the letter "i" than just ourselves. Some very important words start with this mischievous letter. How about the word "ignorance" as an example. It's the 'lack of knowledge or education.' Ignorance of some subjects are worse than others: If someone is ignorant of psychofarmicology, no one worries too much. There are a lot of people out there that are ignorant about a general idea they have grown up with, that claim to know what their talking about. Wrong (and sickening).

Indecisiveness is another bad "I" word. There is one thing that should be clear in this world, and that's the answer to the question "Why are we here?" A very commonly asked questions that probably everyone in the world has asked themself at least once in their life. Many of these people also claim to have found the answer. I (there's that darn letter again) think there's only one answer. There's one way. One truth. And if you don't believe in that way, nuts to you. It's never too late to believe in this one truth.

Part of verse 9 in 1 Chronicles chapter 28 reads "If you seek him, he'll make sure you find him, but if you abandon him, he'll leave you for good." Harsh. But fair. All God is asking is that you seek him. If your motives are clear and you truly desire to find him, you are certain to find him. Everyone has to make a decision to seek him or abandon him.

leaving a legacy

There are a few things that everyone wants in life. Basic needs, like love, attention, etc. I think one popular desire has something to do with the fear of death. More specifically, the feeling of wanting to be remembered after you're gone. here's yet another set of lyrics that i love, that deal with this desire.

Nichole Nordeman - Legacy

I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's
that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much

I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough to make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...

arms of love

if you've heard it you know it's amazing- perfect if you're having a bad day

kutless / arms of love

I sing a simple song of love / To my Savior, to my Jesus.
I'm grateful for the things You've done,
My loving Savior, my precious Jesus.

My heart is glad that You've called me Your own.
There's no place I'd rather be than

In Your arms of love, / In Your arms of love.
Holding me still, holding me near, / In Your arms of love.

CRU. at the U. front - kristi, dan, matland, miah. 2nd row - jake, sara, rochelle, lys, me. 3rd row - brandon, barry, laura, wendy, joy, katie, dana, maria. back - megan, amygo, julie.

if all the rain drops were lemon drops and gum drops...

puddling jumping.

I don't generally like running around in the rain, but there was a huge storm tonight that produced some great puddles for jumping!