One Week Home.

I'm back from the Orient! Been back a week actually, and a crazy week it has been. I was not expecting major jet lag or any sort of culture shock. But there have been quite a few surprising things to experience this week.

Today I was greeted at my church with a very warm welcome. It was so good to be back at New City and the authentic and caring community present there. We didn't even get through verse 1 of the first song and I teared up, overwhelmed at the ease with which we were able to sing whatever we wanted, as loud as we wanted. Not so in East Asia.

Throughout the service, I felt small moments of anxiety, which I quickly realized was due to the atmosphere. I was sitting in a room with 20 other white people who were not speaking in proper code. I pulled out my Bible - which was not covered. I actually caught myself looking around a couple times to see if people were watching us! And all of this occurred at our small church plant - I can't imagine being back at a huge "cool building" (I mean, "Christian church").

I remember moving to Minneapolis two years ago and being so overwhelmed; like it or not, this bustling, confusing, sometimes dirty city was now my home.

Since being home, I catch myself day dreaming when I'm driving and biking and walking: I know that I don't have to watch out for a large van barreling driving down the sidewalk straight for me. Sirens and airplanes and car horns that once bothered me throughout the day are not even noticed anymore.

The sun is blinding. (On a good day in East Asia, you could look directly at the sun, which was only the size of a quarter due to the thick layer of pollution constantly present in the atmosphere). I had a love/hate relationship with the smog. It made the sky as full gray as a winter day - but it kept the temperature a little cooler. When you're walking several miles a day with a heavy backpack in 95+ degree weather, the smog isn't so bad.

I can't wait to go home to the farm in a few weeks to take in the rolling hills and peaceful surroundings!

Cracked.

At the beginning of May we had some pretty bad weather in my neighborhood; funnel clouds and strong winds and several minutes’ worth of golf-ball sized hail. I sat in my living room, watching the weather develop, the lightning crack across the sky; the hail stones pound the trees, the ground...and my car, (which I recently named Sawyer. Props to ES for the idea to name it!).

After the storm passed, I went outside to check out the damage. There were some nice dents on the hood, roof and trunk. I was a bit annoyed, but grateful the damage wasn't worse.

When I got into my car to leave for work the next morning, I noticed a large chip at the top of the windshield and several cracks that had developed. I almost didn't believe my eyes! I had checked it last night and didn't see anything. When I got to work I checked it again, just to be sure.

I have had some bad luck with windshields. In just over 2 years, I've gone through 3 of them. I've never been in an accident, major or minor, never been ticketed, never even been pulled over in my car. But for whatever reason, cracked windshields are my thing.

The weirdest thing is that the glass looks fine on the outside, but on the inside it's very obvious there's a crack.

A few months ago I heard a sermon from a guest speaker at my church about the seven woes in Matthew 23. The first three woes in this passage deal with proper teaching (the Pharisees were pushing people away from Jesus). There’s enough in these first three woes to warrant their own post, which maybe I’ll write someday.

It was the next 3 woes really hit me; those dealing with justice, faith and mercy (throwback to Micah 6:8 - "do justice, love mercy, walk humbly with your God"). These woes deal with our desire to fill our restless hearts with things that don't satisfy. We do a lot, we're busy, but we neglect the most important things in life.

"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe...and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others..." (verse 23)

"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence." (verse 25)

"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness... outwardly appearing righteous, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness." (verse 27-28)

After every "woe" in this passage, my heart follows with it's own quiet "whoa."

The Pharisees were fantastic at keeping their windshields polished (but neglected the cracks on the inside). They were passionate and devoted (concerning the wrong things). They did good things (and ignored what was best).

At different times in my life, I've felt similar to the way my windshield looks. As I pondered this analogy on my drive home from work the other day, I was struck by the irony present when considering my windshield history.

The cracks I've experiences in my windshield have occurred during very stressful situations in my life. Last summer, a tree branch cracked my windshield during a storm while I was living at home. I was preparing to move to Minneapolis, even though I wasn't at full financial support, which was stressful, to say the least. The week before my college graduation, amidst finals, adjusting to a new roommate, and deciding whether or not I would join staff, a rock chip turned into a major crack in my windshield on a snowy winter day.

Every time I get in or out of my car, I see that crack. It's been taunting me the last few weeks of work, the most stressful so far this year.

What Jesus is talking about here in Matthew 23 describes exactly how I’ve felt at these moments in my life. I immerse myself in tasks and to-do lists, doing good things, but ignore what’s really going on in my heart.

I could write more about that, the source of my stress, but right now my focus is on the tendency I have to ignore it, push through it, and pretend like things are fine.

We're all cracked in ways that aren't visible on the outside. These imperfections are present no matter how hard we try to hide them. They occur for different reasons. Not dealing with them in healthy ways is like not dealing with a cracked windshield. The longer we wait, the situation becomes worse.

As I think about being cracked, I'm grateful for the Body of Christ. God uses His people to point out the cracks, yes, but God also uses them in significant ways to move me brokenness to redemption.

Another reminder about community

The lesson on independence continues (see previous post).

Today I received an e-mail from the National Director of MPD (Ministry Partner Development). He sends periodic updates to encourage and equip staff in raising their financial support. His e-mail today mentioned the normal human tendency to gravitate toward independence. But as believers, he writes, we are to intentionally move from independence to dependence, from isolation to community. Friends don't let friends do MPD alone.

Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV) instructs us, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

He goes on to explain this passage: "The writer acutely understands how vital it is to be connected with each other. Community creates a life-giving environment where we can push and encourage each other to persevere to do the right things. Acknowledging our need to be connected to others while working on our support empowers the discouraged and turns procrastination brought about by fear into courage. Joining together in community with others acts as a catalyst for ideas. It helps you reject the lies of the enemy and embrace the truths of God."

I hope this encourages you to consider how you can be involved in a life-giving community. More thoughts later on what this actually looks like.

Transformed.

Two weeks ago we had a women's conference in Minneapolis called "Transformed: Laboring for a Lifetime." (Insert your witty comment here about a women's conference with the word "laboring" in the title).

As far as conferences go, this one was pretty typical- worship, a speaker, breakout sessions, campus time, free time, a dance party, lots of laughing, definitely some crying, etc.

It was a really encouraging experience for me as I wait for the last bit of funding to come in. My calling to ministry was definitely confirmed. I'm a passionate person, but not excites me more than hearing about a student coming to Christ in her dorm and seeking to be used by God to reach her friends and family.

I'd love to be able to solve the economic, political and social problems we face in America and around the world. I can't do much about those problems, but I can help college students discover the truth about Jesus. And someday, maybe they can make a difference in the economic, political and social arenas.

Jesus didn't give up his time in heaven to suffer, die, and then come back to life to give me a peaceful, safe, comfortable existence. One day I will have all those things in Heaven. But He came to earth for redemption. And because of this I can glorify God with my time on this earth, which ends up having a lasting difference in the lives of people I meet.

Here is a photo from the women's conference (I am in the bottom left, in front of a laptop at the sound booth).



This is what it's all about. A sea of college students, learning about Jesus. Some realizing their need for redemption for the first time in their lives. Some considering how God might want to use them to make a difference, for the first time in their lives. So awesome.

Campus Ministries Working Together

How does a ministry decide on which students they will focus? How do staff members who can limited time and resources make certain their resources are used effectively on campus?

I love the intense focus within Campus Crusade of winning students to Christ. Our organizational focus is evangelism and discipleship. This is what God called Dr. Bright, the founder of Campus Crusade for Christ, to focus on when the ministry started in 1951, and this is still our focus today.

I've heard a quote from Bright stating his interest in helping a believer understand and live in the power of the Holy Spirit over bringing someone to Christ. His reason was strategic; the more believers that are actively sharing their faith, the more people that could potentially be reached.

So if we're about reaching students in college and training them to be life-long laborers, the strategist (is that a word?) in me says train them while they're in high school so they can jump right into ministry in college.

A good thought, but there's an alarming statistic to consider: around 80% of Christian high school students leave their Christian faith in college.

So what do we do? How do we balance what God's called us to as a ministry and the current needs of university students?

This issue has been in the back of my mind throughout my college days, and even more now as a staff member with Campus Crusade. Several months ago, a friend shared with this article with me from the InterVarsity website about the importance of the first 72 hours on campus. The story also highlights a great organization partnering with existing Christian ministries on campus. (I love hearing about Christian mission organizations working together. It just makes sense to team up in reaching people with the Gospel).

Youth Transition Network (YTN), was created by Jeff Schadt to help students transition from high school to college. Schadt, a former Campus Crusade for Christ staff, explains that freshman often assume the adjustment to life on campus will be easy, but they often find themselves overwhelmed.

YTN partners with more than 65 organizations, including InterVarsity and Campus Crusade, to help students transition well. "For the second year in a row, YTN is offering SUCCEED 2010 to give high school juniors and seniors and their parents an opportunity to attend a live simulcast that covers the social, spiritual, financial, academic, and time-management issues that students face. “We address their practical needs as well as their spiritual needs,” Jeff said." (From the InterVarsity website. The Article in its' entirety can be found here. More information on this simulcast is available at YTN’s parent and pastor website www.YTN.org).

I'm grateful I had a textbook experience, because the transition to college can be a tough one. My first 72 hours set the course for my college career, and totally changed my life. If my then-Christian roommate wanted to party hard the first few months of college, I probably would have tagged along, I desperately wanted to fit in at that point, so I was willing to take huge steps out of my comfort zone and experience new things. I'm so thankful the Christians on campus were putting themselves out there to meet new people and trusting God to work amongst the new freshman on campus.

Small Blessings: Conversation

I was doing a morning devotion today at a local coffee shop when a man came up to me and asked if I was reading "Funding Your Ministry." I won't lie, I purposely bring the book along every time I sit in a public place in hopes that it will lead to conversations. You never know, right?

Finally today, someone noticed. We chatted a bit about the author and another up-and-coming resource for those raising financial support. He commented on my Kansas City shirt (he grew up there) and also made sure he mentioned his fiance several times.

Anyway, it was just really fun to meet another missionary in a random location at a random time. And I was just commenting to my roommate last night that I'd been lacking in social interaction, hence the hanging out in a coffee shop today. I also ran into a friend from church which was also a nice conversation.

post-grad thoughts

We all have 'em. Those spiritual lows that seem so low we can't get out of them on our own. Often times we can't, which is one reason community is so important. Spiritual valleys. They are certain, hopefully few and far between, but probable in many of our lives.

One potential time for a spiritual slump, without a doubt, comes post-graduation. Why? How does this happen? What can we do to avoid it?

I would agree those I've heard from on this topic that we post-grads may have a hard run ahead of us, at least for a short time. The environment on campus is so unique; I heard someone relate it to a spiritual greenhouse-- a schedule that allows tons of fellowship, people who are in your stage of life, the freedom to spend abnormal amounts of time with God in the Word/prayer/worship. Nothing beats the college atmosphere, and because of that we feel pulled to re-create it. But it's just not possible, so we shouldn't try.

Life after college brings demands we're not used to: first real jobs and new careers that warrant our most productive time, errands and responsibilities that steal our time away our free time, not to mention most of us move to a new location and must find a new community and church family.

The thoughts and emotions I had on the day I went from living in a big 4 bedroom farm house with my best friends to my 1.5 bedroom apartment by myself will never leave my mind. It was a tough adjustment to say the least. But I wouldn't trade the experience for anything.

Relevant Magazine had this to say on the subject:
"It’s easy to look back at the good times and feel like it was the activities that made those times what they were and want to reengage them. According to Josh Loveless, pastor of STATUS Church in Orlando, Fla., such a pursuit is a dangerous one. “You have to stop trying to recreate what worked last year,” he says. “Stop playing that worship CD that ‘did it for you’ three years ago...maybe you need to ask if there are other ways that God wants to meet with you.”

To try and recreate the spiritual high by recreating the activities of that time can lead to frustration, burnout and legalism — ultimately decaying your relationship with God.

It’s easy to forget it was because of God’s grace and His Spirit moving in your life that those spiritual activities helped you connect with Him in the past. Those activities flowed from an intimacy and relationship with God ... not the other way around."

The article goes on to show us what's in the other hand; "In the avoidance of empty forms, it’s easy to simply do nothing. For many in our generation, the pursuit of authenticity has trumped all other pursuits. Above all else, we desire to be real. We relentlessly question our motives and the motives of others, testing them for any sign of falseness, for any indication of forced affectation. We don’t want to make ourselves do anything — we want to want to do it."

So we choose not to do something just because we don't do it with the right motive instead of pursuing the right motive.

“A lot of times we abandon the standard because we realize we have been doing it for the wrong reason. The right response is not to abandon the standard, but to have the standard birthed out of something more correct, more true, more authentic, more sustainable.

By even asking these questions of high times and low times, we seem to be admitting one is better than the other. There’s a desire to “get through” the low times in order to “get back” to the high times. But what if both times are equally good? And not just in a clichéd way that says the low times are pruning and prepping us for the bigger, better times ... but in a way that embraces the low times as some of our most precious times with God.

“Are we comparing this and that instead of embracing that they both are what they’re supposed to be?” Austin asks. “And that might be the challenge we face—that we look at the dry times as a negative, instead of part of His journey with us.”

Anticipate the next season God has for you, but engage with this season you’re in right now. Understand that it will change you and it will change your faith. You cannot go back. 
But you can move forward—tested and purified." (italics are quotes from a Relevant Magazine article "What To Do When Faith Fades" found here).

Small Blessings: Med Students

I spent the weekend with med students. They are a crazy bunch. I had planned on working at home all weekend on MPD, but that fell through and I decided to join my soon-to-be-doctor friends at a cabin in a nearby state park. I knew it would be enjoyable, because they are a fun group, and I always learn a lot about the medical profession and terminology when I'm around them. Plus, we played games. I learned how to play airplane solitaire, and I beat it after maybe 20 tries. I also was excited to get out of town and get my fill of nature for the week (sitting around in a house in the woods totally counts).

Anyway, the reason for the retreat was the fast-approaching Match Day. If you're unfamiliar with this, I will explain; medical students in their 4th year of school apply at residencies. If they are well received, they get an interview. After this process is complete, they rank the residencies where they interviewed.

The tricky part is, the residencies rank all of the med students they interview, and both rankings have to match, hence the name Match Day. They find out today if they match; if they do, they find out Thursday where they go for the next 3+ years of their lives. Yikes. If they don't match, they must scramble (try to find a residency with spots left) and only have a few days to do so. Double Yikes.

I knew we'd talk about this process and the upcoming week a lot while we were hanging out, which was fine by me. But I didn't realize that I would find myself identifying so much with them and the stage of life they are at. They are all about to make big, big changes in their lives that will set the course for the rest of their careers. They will move to a new place, find new friends, and a new church (and have to work 80 hours a week, which is untrue of me (I hope)).

These students are hard-core trusting God with their futures. They don't know where they will match, or, truthfully, if they will match at all. They are pursuing their interests and what they think God wants them to do, but they don't know if those are the same thing. They have made some huge, tough decisions in their school and personal lives, and have worked hard to get to where they are. I was totally encouraged by their attitudes, thoughts and hearts in the midst of the waiting.

If you're reading this during the week of March 15-18, say a prayer for these med students- that they would know peace that passes understanding, and God's sovereignty in all things.

Watching Yourself on TV.

My roommate Allison and I are watching "Julie & Julia" right now. I feel like I'm watching myself. Julie decides to blog about her life (cooking through Julia Child's cookbook in a year). She is talking with her roommate (boyfriend/husband) about it and he expresses a concern about his super-acidic stomach - same as my roommate (not my boyfriend, though her nickname is allen, haha). Then Julie admits a fault of hers- the inability to finish what she starts. Uh, hello- totally a flaw of mine.

We'll see how the rest of the movie turns out!
---
Ok, I'm closer to the end of the movie now, and I feel Julie's pain. She is crazy. She had a meltdown and wanted to give up, and then a reporter from Christian Science Monitor calls her for an interview. Maybe this goes to show that when you've hit your breaking point, you're right on track.

weirdest weekend ever.

The longer I walk w/the Lord, the greater my desire for my family to come to know Him. I want so badly for them to know the joy and hope and potential for change that Christ can bring to an individual, especially one who thinks none of these things are possible in the great ways that they are. To experience that common bond of belief in something and love for something so much greater than ourselves is a constant prayer. After five years, I'm finally starting to just be myself around my family. But I still feel like an outsider, and that feeling will probably never go away.

So after spending several days with family who are obviously not happy or hopeful, I spent 8 hours today with some of the best people in the world. I am so encouraged by being around families that love the Lord. I can completely be myself around them. I've never felt like an outsider, even when I'm being really ridiculous. I want to have my own family some day and experience that enriching joy, that lasting love, with them. To create that environment in which to raise kids. I've had slices of it here and there. Is it possible to miss something you've never truly experienced?

fellowship.

Today I read chapter 18 of the P-D L. Again, it brought a topic that a bunch of us have been talking about right to the surface - fellowship. Most importantly, experiencing authentic fellowship. I LOVE to go deeper than the normal "hey, how are you? how are classes? great, talk to you later." Honestly and humility are so important. A two-way relationship is needed- we must not feel responsible FOR others, but TO others. Share with them and let them share with you. We will also experience sympathy in true fellowship - which hits home for me. I need to be understood and need to have my feelings validated, just like everyone else. When it doesn't happen, I turn to others to validate my feelings, thus bringing me closer to them and farther away from the person I was trying to talk to. Hmm. I have had that feeling a lot in the past and I am finally able to put it into words!