I notice people. I notice things. I remember numbers, addresses, patterns.
I. Love. Data. Collecting it, categorizing it, explaining it.
Lately, I've been a little more social than I have been in the last 2 months, and I can tell that I've been noticing habits and tendencies about people. And I've been considering the impact that this tendency can have on my self-esteem/self-confidence, and the possibility that it might cause paranoia. When I was younger I was quite self-conscious (and often still am). I remember thinking that people were looking at me, critiquing me, even staring at me. Now, I can be self-involved, and I generally just paired those thoughts with my ego/pride.
But I'm wondering if those thoughts of paranoia can be attributed to my assumption that people are watching me as much as I'm watching them. They most certainly don't. I can't be that interesting (i mean on the outside- aside from my blogged thoughts). It's funny that I would attribute a way that I am on to someone else, whether I know them or not. Hm.
2 comments:
I feel...like I'm being watched. Curious to know what my tendencies are and would like the constructive criticism. Although I probably already know what my tendencies are and they are horrible. I don't think I observe people as much as I just compare myself to them and measure my self-worth by that comparison. Then rather than focus on their strong points, I hone in on the weak points only for the sake of increasing my worth. Yep, chalk that up to a type of "self" sin. It's a bad tendency but now that I've made the realization maybe I can try to stop doing it.
I'm the same way. I am constantly worried that people think I'm crazy because I watch people and love noticing their quirks and habits- but especially quirks. :)
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