Roommates- part two.

Earlier I wrote a post about housing and roommate situations. Part of me would like to live on my own when I move to Minneapolis in the coming months, but with such a high cost of living and the desire to spend less than 35% of my income on housing, I'm thinking a roommate is a good idea and really the only option.

Aside from financial benefits, I've been considering other benefits to having a roommate. I figured boundless.org would have something to say about this matter, so I took a look an article named "20-Something Reasons to Live at Home." The article cites five benefits for singles living in a Christian family environment instead of on their own: Training, Protection, Finances, Community, Service. I feel the need to add here that I am going to be biased on this, because I didn't grow up in a Christian family and I feel that I'm growing in all of these areas on my own without one.

The training section had to do with developing personal habits while living alone that may not be very beneficial. The article cited an example of a single woman living on her own, expressing her enjoyment of a daily/weekly routine involving some of her favorite things. Boundless says this isn't necessarily a good thing, that a person can lose their flexibility and ability to flow with others. To quote the author,

"Living alone, or even with other singles, promotes independence in ways that are not always good. In practice, "independence" often translates to "self-centeredness." This is bad training for life. It's bad training for marriage especially, when we'll need to deal with the intrusions of others, look out for them, and handle changing circumstances with grace."

I think one of the toughest aspects about this topic is this difference between independence and self-centeredness. While living on your own provides all kinds of opportunities to grow and develop as an individual, there is definitely a chance that it can lead to an increase in self-centeredness.

The author of the article goes on to state that living in a family home "has provided me with excellent training for the future. Much of this training comes disguised as annoyance and inconvenience, but it truly is a blessing! It keeps me pliable, so I'm not going to shatter if life drops me into a hard situation. When we embrace family life and keep ourselves open to correction and change, life at home will prepare us to be happy, others-centered people."

I think I see the author's intent here, but I question the use of "shatter if life drops me into a hard situation." I just visited Minneapolis this week, and my car got towed. I had to withdraw $300 from my bank account to get my car out of the impound lot. I handled the situation on my own, and must deal with the consequences of my actions. My parents aren't going to bail me out (I didn't ask them). I'm not sure if all my bills will get paid this month, but I'm not going to cry myself to sleep tonight. Maybe the author had a more tough life situation in mind, I'm not sure what they meant.

The next area of concern was security. I don't doubt that people feel safer when living with a family. When I was little, I couldn't fall asleep until both my mom and dad were home and in the house. I think a lot of kids are like that.

I still remember my first night in my first apartment alone. While I had spent nights at my home alone, and at the farm house alone (which was even more scary!), this was different. I knew that this would be the first of many nights alone. I must admit, I was a bit nervous and scared. But part of this was due to overall feels of nervousness, as I was also a senior in college and unsure about my future. After the first few nights, I got over it. I grew more comfortable with the silence and with being alone. I learned a lot- how to deal with noisy neighbors, heating and electrical issues, setting up internet service, a leaky roof, etc. Maybe these aren't super important, but they were to me. But, my town and apartment complex I lived in were both small and generally safe.

The article cites another benefit of protection from living with family: "When you don't have parents or parental figures limiting the time you spend with your sweetheart (as well as supervising how you spend that time), you're likely to spend too much time with too little (commitment) in return."

Accountability is incredibly valuable and essential while a relationship may be developing. A parental figure can be a great source for this, but proper accountability can also come from roommates, coworkers, other Christian friends of both people in the relationship. Should a 20-something woman in a relationship be depending on a parental figure to monitor her time with her new boyfriend?

Roommates of any kind are almost always a more financially wise option. It's the American way to rent or buy as big as we can. I think that much of the housing market mess is due to the fact that people get into situations they cannot financially handle. Ok, I'm off the materialism and consumerism soapbox and back on the other, which I'm not sure what to call. Maybe my anti-Boundless soapbox! Ok, seriously, I digress.

Living on my own taught me big lessons about finances and budgeting. After 5-6 months on my own, I invited a good friend to move in with me so we could both save money. It was really a great decision- spiritually, personally and financially, which was the motive right away.

Boundless says "Once again, this benefit is best experienced when we actively use it to build for the future. I'm not advocating mooching off your parents!" Glad she added that. The goal of financial freedom or more financial security is a great benefit of living with roommates or with a family, especially for those who have lots of college or personal debt.

The author also adds in that it is easier for people to eat normal, healthier meals while living in a family home. That is very true, but I think 20-something singles are capable of learning how to eat right on their own.

The fourth aspect of family living from the article was community. The community of a Christian family is something I don't always understand. Though I will say, I have had a really strong desire for the last year to be actively involved in the lives of people around me- and I wish that I could take part in this in a big scale. The article lists things like asking questions, spending time together, doing small acts of service, and working toward common goals as aspects of family life that can be beneficial. I definitely want this in my life. This is the part of college life from the farm house that I miss most.

The author goes on to say that "Men and women were not designed to live alone. God's first commandment to the human race was "Be fruitful and multiply." By staying at home, we're able to live within the blessings of that multiplication — trading a cold, empty living room at the end of the day for a household full of warmth. This is healthy, good, and right."

Ouch. I get this, but it doesn't make me feel very good. It's things like this, and comments that marriage is the right way to live, that leave me wondering about the way I can live a purposeful single life.

Finally, service is a great thing for a Christian to take part in. A single person has more time for serving their community, family or roommates.

To quote the article, by living at home, "I don't have to fight to preserve my independence, so I can focus on the needs of others." I don't understand this- what does she mean by fighting to preserve my independence?

Ok, it's time to wrap up this huge post. In sum, I think the 'who to live with' decision is a personal one that depends on many, many things. Many singles would probably thrive living in a family home, but I think it is possible to thrive on your own as well. The success of both depends on many of the issues that the Boundless article discussed, along with others that are unique to each individual. The article brought up some great points, but I don't think it gives 20-somethings enough credit. This is the time in our lives to have fun, learn things and grow up into who God wants us to be.