from the past...

I sorted out all the old drafts I've started but never posted on here, and found this one from November 2007:

I loved my summer in Brasil. It was awesome. Initially, while living there, I was thinking about STINT and totally seeing myself there. I have heard from the roommies that I talked about it a fair amount when I got home.

God has been doing some good stuff in my life, [which I'm not going to get in to because that would just make this post even more random & long]. He's making me more aware of the junk in my life -- one of those things is my pride. It's huge! Always has been a big thing in my life. I never understood the concept of having confidence in myself but not having a harmful amount of pride -- something I'm still learning about.

So how does that tie in to Brasil/Stinting, you might ask?



I say things that make me look and sound like a great Christian, while on the inside I'm not being true to what's really going on. Something I suppose we all do. When I got back from Brasil, I realized what a unique, fun & challenging experience it was. Here was my thought process:

I'm a Christian, I should think about full-time ministry...maybe in Brasil? And I had a great time there...I could live there. Wow, spending a year in Brasil makes me sound like this super-Christian who is really good at evangelism and loves it a lot (not so true).

I kind of got hung up on how good that sounded. While I was telling people I was thinking about spending a year there, in my head I was thinking, I'm telling this to people to make me look good, not because I am really feeling called to do it, at that point. I've been involved in Crusade stuff practically since my first day on campus, so it's natural to me to go from Trek, to Stateside Project, to International Project, to STINT-ing/Interning. But I need to stop thinking that I have to do these things to be a good crusade student, or even a good Christian, and that I'm bad if I don't want to/don't get called to.