Deep Roots.

Earlier this summer I finished one of the best books I've ever read about being single. Interesting fact: the author was actually involved in Campus Crusade in college but didn't have a real great experience. Which made me even more intrigued by her story.

Anyway, I didn't love the book because of it's writing style (unique and witty) or all of her dramatic stories (there were plenty!). The author consistently shared encouraging insights into the character of God and living the Christian life that she drew from her experiences in relationships (and her lack of relationships, at times).

Below is an example of what I mean- a short excerpt from the book in which the author compares living the Christian life to being a tree:

And you have to sink your roots into Him, after all. You have to find His water underground…only when your roots are drinking from that stream can you grow tall enough and strong enough to reach out into the world and maybe even make a little shade for others. To grow up tall and strong so as to bless the soil of others’ plots of ground – that’s what we’re meant to do. The branch or plant, after all, doesn’t worry so much about “growing” hard or stretching up strong, but sinking the roots down deep into the waters of life. And then, because of how God’s made us, the life and springing upward is a mostly natural consequence of that drinking, sinking, rooting.

If I had a favorite verse, this one from Colossians would be near the top of the list: "Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving."

That verse felt like the theme of my upperclassmen years in college. Looking back, meditating on this verse propelled me into a search for a deeper relationship with God. I had been feeling distant from God for several months, grown weary of ministry on campus and wasn't growing much emotionally even though I was growing spiritually.

I remember sitting at yet another fall leadership training my senior year (or maybe even super-senior year), and hearing from a speaker that the Gospel was not just for unbelievers, but for believers, too. We needed the Gospel every day. I was floored!! God had been bringing this up in my life for the last year but I didn't really understand until that day. Right away I thought about that verse, about being rooted in Christ each and every day.

While masquerading as a book on singleness, this book taught me a lot about living the life God intends: not striving to grow and do and be externally- but seeking Him wholeheartedly. The Christian life is about letting the growth and good works and character traits we seek come from the love and life we can draw in with roots that grow deep.

do we need psychics?

If you knew what would happen in the future, would you live life differently?

A friend and I were talking awhile back about people who decide to remain single for the rest of their lives. Not necessarily that we wanted to decide this, but just how people come to this conclusion.

The conversation led me to wonder how I would live my life differently than I am right now if I knew I would be single the rest of my life. I'd spend a lot more time with God, making sure He's number one in my life. I'd want to make sure I had solid friendships with other single women, but I'd also make sure I spent time with young couples, and families, too.

Then I thought about the flip side; if I absolutely knew I would get married someday, would I live my life differently? Yes. Definitely. I'd spend a lot more time with God. I'd make sure I was seeking Him each day and putting Him first.

I'm making a broad generalization here, but I think the point is an important one to make. Preparation for what life will throw at me down the road doesn't hinge on me knowing what's coming. I probably wouldn't believe it even if I did know what was coming!

for all my single ladies

Just friends. Oh, what a great label ((sarcasm)). I don't know any woman who hasn't had at least one friendship in which either she or the guy was hoping for more than just friends. I'll be honest. When this happens to me, I tend to blame it on the guy.

Boundless.org, a ministry of Focus on the Family, has tons of articles on dating, relationships and marriage, among many other topics like college, singleness, time, money and sex. I've been ready a series on biblical dating and happened upon an article about being 'just friends.'

Author Scott Croft has this to say about deep emotional commitments between Christians (or non-Christians) of the opposite sex:

"By offering a taste of the companionship and interactions that make marriage so satisfying, with none of the accompanying commitments or responsibilities entailed in marriage, intimate friendships discourage the pursuit of the grown-up, God-intended outlet for marital desires — marriage."

Just a quick shout-out to my single friends here. Regardless of whose 'fault' it is when two people are too emotionally invested, both sides are called to be responsible for appropriate levels of emotional and physical involvement.

How would your future husband feel if he knew you were emotionally invested in one of your guy friends? Croft goes on to encourage women who want to get married to think about the way their actions might affect their brothers in Christ. Are we single women satisfying the intermediate needs of our guy friends so they see or feel no particular compulsion to pursue marriage?

But that's not to say single Christian men and women can't be friends at all, and Croft makes that very clear in his article. Claiming biblical backing from I Timothy 5, Croft gives a laundry list of appropriate advice. (Finally! Some practical words for the single segment of the Body of Christ!)

Croft says "Single men and women can and should serve in ministry together, study the word together, and hang out together socially. They should go out together, gather around meals, watch movies. In my view, however, these activities should be done, for the most part, in groups rather than one-on-one. Men can initiate group get-togethers, and so can women. In fact, single brothers and sisters in Christ, like the rest of Christ's body, are positively called to care for one another. Men can (and should) give women rides home rather than have them walk alone at night. Men can come over and move couches. Women can cook a meal for a group of guys in danger of developing scurvy from a near total lack of vegetables. Knock yourselves out."

So, all my single ladies, the body of Christ is a natural place to make friends with Christian men and can often result in two people becoming more than friends down the road. It's not uncommon (or a bad thing!) for a guy to express interest in a girl before they spend a significant amount of time alone...and we certainly don't need to create situations that have a high level of intimacy with a Christian man to lead him to that point.