In the last month, three friends of mine have gotten married. As much as I joke about going to/standing up in so many wedding...I love seeing my friends wed their amazing fiances. I'm so excited for each of them as they embark on a new chapter in their lives together. I can't wait to see where God leads each couple in the years to come.
I was thinking about one of these wonderful couples the other day, and a thought popped into my head: I wonder when they will have a baby?? I bet they'll get pregnant really quick. In fact I should actually make a bet with a few other people... I think I would win.
I dismissed these thoughts and went about my business. But later that night as I was settling in to sleep, I realized that my flippant thought was actually pretty similar to another flippant thought I often hear others voice, out loud, to my face:
Do you think you'll ever get married?
When I hear this from people, the hair on the back of my neck stands up. I get a little flushed in the face. I start to sweat. Before the person (usually a total stranger, but also sometimes a close friend) can even complete their question, I know where they are heading.
What I was doing to this friend (in my head) is pretty much exactly what others do to me.
For better or worse, we are always looking for the next big thing. Waiting in anticipation for what's to come. What is it about us that compels us to be constantly thinking of what we don't have, or what might be next, even if it's uncertain? Whether it's pressure from family or the people around us, or society in general- we must always be looking for what's next.
I refuse to treat my married friends this way, bugging them about when they will achieve the "next thing" - whether it's purchasing a house, having a baby or some other major life event.
Sometimes we do this without thinking. Maybe we're trying to fill an awkward silence or just trying to ask someone a more deep question than "How are you?" or "What do you think about this weather we're having?"
Whatever the intent, I refuse to "go there" with my newly married friends.
