today was good. i don't usually 'journal' my days' events on this blog but tonight i want to. today was a good day. i knew it would be a long one as we were out the door by 830am, coffee in hand, bookbags packed with homework (at least mine was).
After dropping jules off at Hillside, where she was helping in the nursery before church, megs, lys and i went to the HyV for a breakfast bagel, which was aMAZING. Then it was back to church where megs and i watched the kids during the service -- which was actually pretty fun. Maybe i am not so bad w/kids after all.
By the end of church, I was hungry again -- jules and i sped off to subway once jordan dropped us off at her car. Then it was onwards to the library for a few hours of studying. Megs picked me up around 3 and we proceeded to take a nap (aMAZING) at the newman center, pick up supper and such at Wal-Mart and head back to church.
Lasagna went in the oven, and after a 1/2 hour of unsuccessful songwriting, I talked with Leanna for a 1/2 hour until the food was ready. We ate and chatted, then got ready for Vespers. An hour of solid practice and we were ready to go. Candles were lit (for effect) and about 805 we started. We were blowing out candles and packing up by 9. Home by 930 with Lys. Made brownies for the Miss America Pageant Party for Cru tomorrow. Talked a bit with the roommies, mom, and megs. Checked the e-mail and got my stuff ready to do it all over again tomorrow, after a good 7 hours of sleep.
That's a 'normal' day for me- spending more time asleep at the Farmhouse than I do awake. More time driving than reading my Bible. Honestly, this is a really challenging lifestyle. I have never had a greater test of patience, self-lessness, love, grace -- ever. First semester here was tough. Very. But I am conquering. Life is not dragging me down. And for some reason, this lifestyle is fun at times. There is probably something I should be learning from all this. Maybe someday I will be shown the reason for me being a part of this house for two years.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Saturday, January 27, 2007
hide & seek
Never been much good on my own
So I'm tryin' to find somebody else
Never been good at findin' much except
Loneliness all by myself
Spottin' you ain't been easy
I could use one hint maybe two
Cause I got this spot right beside me baby
Waiting here just for you
So you go hide
And I'll come seek
Maybe someday in the middle
We just might meet
Cause I'm counting to a hundred
And I promise I won't peek
As you go hide
And I come seek
How much longer will this game go on
I guess only time will tell
I hate to hear that you're all alone
Overlooked in search of someone else
So you go hide
And I'll come seek
Maybe someday in the middle
We just might meet
Cause I'm counting to a hundred
And I promise I won't peek
As you go hide
And I come seek
Please show your face
Because I want you to be it...yeah
I want you to be it
counting to 100//matt wertz
So I'm tryin' to find somebody else
Never been good at findin' much except
Loneliness all by myself
Spottin' you ain't been easy
I could use one hint maybe two
Cause I got this spot right beside me baby
Waiting here just for you
So you go hide
And I'll come seek
Maybe someday in the middle
We just might meet
Cause I'm counting to a hundred
And I promise I won't peek
As you go hide
And I come seek
How much longer will this game go on
I guess only time will tell
I hate to hear that you're all alone
Overlooked in search of someone else
So you go hide
And I'll come seek
Maybe someday in the middle
We just might meet
Cause I'm counting to a hundred
And I promise I won't peek
As you go hide
And I come seek
Please show your face
Because I want you to be it...yeah
I want you to be it
counting to 100//matt wertz
Friday, January 26, 2007
greed.
In legal today we watched a video on Greed in America and it was super interesting. Of course we had an in-class quiz about it--ethics, profit, legality and such. One question said 'Is greed in America bad? To which many people would probably say 'yes of course--hello, greed, corporate evilness, poor ethics, etc. Greed = Bad.' But John Stossel is a smart guy, and throughout the video he made several good points:
"Greed motivates most of us to work harder, to innovate, and to cooperate with each other. More importantly, it motivates those few creative geniuses among us, on whom everything else depends, to bring to life the new ideas that move the whole world forward." I definitely could not have said it better myself. But how can you justify having 100 million dollar homes when many people have no home? True, that's an issue. But can you say that those with expensive homes and billions of dollars are getting a bigger piece of the economic pie? It doesn't really work to say that because person A gets more of the pie, persons B and C are going to get less.
Objectivist philosopher David Kelley said this. "Because greedy people get rich, they appear to be getting a bigger piece of the economic pie at the expense of everyone else. What is missing from that perception is that greedy people make whole new pies--including products that never existed before, like high-speed computers and lifesaving medical treatments."
So logically it's good for me to be selfish? That's a scary thought. But I see their point.
"Greed motivates most of us to work harder, to innovate, and to cooperate with each other. More importantly, it motivates those few creative geniuses among us, on whom everything else depends, to bring to life the new ideas that move the whole world forward." I definitely could not have said it better myself. But how can you justify having 100 million dollar homes when many people have no home? True, that's an issue. But can you say that those with expensive homes and billions of dollars are getting a bigger piece of the economic pie? It doesn't really work to say that because person A gets more of the pie, persons B and C are going to get less.
Objectivist philosopher David Kelley said this. "Because greedy people get rich, they appear to be getting a bigger piece of the economic pie at the expense of everyone else. What is missing from that perception is that greedy people make whole new pies--including products that never existed before, like high-speed computers and lifesaving medical treatments."
So logically it's good for me to be selfish? That's a scary thought. But I see their point.
learning, growing, things of that nature.
I have been thinking a lot about the way people grow and change over a period of time, and who we come into contact with and for how long and why. It's kind of crazy. You might meet a person one day and only talk with them for a minute and never see them again, but they could teach you something you needed to learn at that point in your life.
It reminds me of that cheesy graduation motto so many high school use: "Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts and we are never quite the same." Very cheesy. But it's true, as sometimes cheesy things turn out to be. I am tired now. More on this later, I'm sure.
It reminds me of that cheesy graduation motto so many high school use: "Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts and we are never quite the same." Very cheesy. But it's true, as sometimes cheesy things turn out to be. I am tired now. More on this later, I'm sure.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
irony?
this is how i am. i think all the time about everything, (which makes doing any type of activitiy in which i need to think--like studying--very hard to do). i was in fact thinking today about my future (go figure). we had presentations in two of my business classes this morning about internships at daktronics. i wasn't really interested, but they sure drilled into my head the importance of gaining experience in your work field. and it is a real catch-22: you need experience to get a job, but you need a job to get experience. enter internships.
so after sitting thru the same two presentations in a span of an hour and a half, i think "yeah...ok. ok fine! fine. i should get an internship."
then i think about my summer. and brazil. and i want to go to brazil. but i do kinda want an internship, a little bit at least. so i decide-- crusade, no. brazil, you might have to wait this summer if i find an internship that i actually would be excited about and might get in to. and i waver back and forth a lot, but this thought was very strong in my mind today.
and then i check my e-mail.
"We have received your summer project application and will begin the reviewing process." --Crusade. AHHHHH. didn't i just tell you i wanted to wait, God? come on. when i finally decide i should maybe get a 'real' job this summer, i am again reminded of my other option. [if you're still reading this, i commend you.]
so i begin to look online-- because, i need a job right now, and i am also thinking about summer internships. ohh internet, how i love you. after 40 minutes of thinking and reading and hoping, i actually, seriously, find an option. sweet! a human resources spring internship (aka right now) at an insurance company in south sioux city -- good pay, no more than 20 hrs a week. PERFECT. awesome. i am pretty excited about this opportunity. a little nervous because it is my potential first 'real' job in the 'real' world where i might 'real' -ly end up some day. yeah.
so if i could do this, i could get good HR experience and save up money to pay rent while i'm in brazil this summer. :D
//sometimes i believe all the lies so i can do the things i should despise. and every day i am swayed by whatever is on my mind. i hear it all depends on my faith so i'm feeling precarious. the only problem i have with these mysterious is they're so mysterious. and like a consumer i've been thinking if i could just get a bit more, more than my 15 minutes of faith, then i'd be secure.
my faith is like shifting sand--changed by every wave.
my faith is like shifting sand, so i'll stand on grace.//
//shifting sand, Caedmon's Call//
so after sitting thru the same two presentations in a span of an hour and a half, i think "yeah...ok. ok fine! fine. i should get an internship."
then i think about my summer. and brazil. and i want to go to brazil. but i do kinda want an internship, a little bit at least. so i decide-- crusade, no. brazil, you might have to wait this summer if i find an internship that i actually would be excited about and might get in to. and i waver back and forth a lot, but this thought was very strong in my mind today.
and then i check my e-mail.
"We have received your summer project application and will begin the reviewing process." --Crusade. AHHHHH. didn't i just tell you i wanted to wait, God? come on. when i finally decide i should maybe get a 'real' job this summer, i am again reminded of my other option. [if you're still reading this, i commend you.]
so i begin to look online-- because, i need a job right now, and i am also thinking about summer internships. ohh internet, how i love you. after 40 minutes of thinking and reading and hoping, i actually, seriously, find an option. sweet! a human resources spring internship (aka right now) at an insurance company in south sioux city -- good pay, no more than 20 hrs a week. PERFECT. awesome. i am pretty excited about this opportunity. a little nervous because it is my potential first 'real' job in the 'real' world where i might 'real' -ly end up some day. yeah.
so if i could do this, i could get good HR experience and save up money to pay rent while i'm in brazil this summer. :D
//sometimes i believe all the lies so i can do the things i should despise. and every day i am swayed by whatever is on my mind. i hear it all depends on my faith so i'm feeling precarious. the only problem i have with these mysterious is they're so mysterious. and like a consumer i've been thinking if i could just get a bit more, more than my 15 minutes of faith, then i'd be secure.
my faith is like shifting sand--changed by every wave.
my faith is like shifting sand, so i'll stand on grace.//
//shifting sand, Caedmon's Call//
Sunday, January 21, 2007
scratch
I've said it once, I'll say it again = Kendall Payne ROCKS.
here are a few bits and pieces of her song 'scratch' --
You can't dream when you can't sleep.
This is my problem. Not literally, of course, because in fact last night I had a dream -- I was filling my car up with gas but instead of putting it in the gas tank I was filling the muffer. Weird. Anyway, what I mean is that I am busy trying to focus on the sleep part (class, jobs, to-do lists--the normal routine stuff I have to do everyday) that I miss the dream part.
It's a big girl world now, full of big girl things.
And everyday I wish I was small.
This has been a reoccuring theme of my life the past few months now. Actually sums up my junior year pretty well, so far. 'Nuff said.
I used to think I was special, and only I have proved me wrong.
I get down on myself a lot, (crazy, I know). And it's true, sometimes I can really suck at life. But no way is it ever others' faults for my crappy view of life, or low self-esteem. The only person that I come in contact with enough to make even a small difference in my disposition is in fact me.
here are a few bits and pieces of her song 'scratch' --
You can't dream when you can't sleep.
This is my problem. Not literally, of course, because in fact last night I had a dream -- I was filling my car up with gas but instead of putting it in the gas tank I was filling the muffer. Weird. Anyway, what I mean is that I am busy trying to focus on the sleep part (class, jobs, to-do lists--the normal routine stuff I have to do everyday) that I miss the dream part.
It's a big girl world now, full of big girl things.
And everyday I wish I was small.
This has been a reoccuring theme of my life the past few months now. Actually sums up my junior year pretty well, so far. 'Nuff said.
I used to think I was special, and only I have proved me wrong.
I get down on myself a lot, (crazy, I know). And it's true, sometimes I can really suck at life. But no way is it ever others' faults for my crappy view of life, or low self-esteem. The only person that I come in contact with enough to make even a small difference in my disposition is in fact me.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
growing up.
We have had guests here and classes for most of the past ten days, so I have been slightly too busy to post at least a little something here.
Basically I have been thinking a lot, which is seldom good. One of Kendall Payne's songs "Scratch" has been stuck in my head for about two weeks, without me really knowing it= "Its a big girl world now, full of big girl things."
Until I spoke about 'growing up' at Cru last night. It was a good subject, but in hindsight it's ironic I was telling others how we can grow up in the likeness of God when I really don't want to. At times I can't wait to see where God will take me in the next two years, let alone the rest of my life. Sometimes I think having such a long-term mind is not a good thing. Meh. But it is a big girl world now. And I'm only almost 21. I have (hopefully) 3/4 of my life yet to come. And the past two years have been the best of my life. I have grown so much in my faith-- first realizing that my faith was based on rules and regulations and liturgy learned in church. And learning about my true purpose in life has been pretty awesome, along with finding out that life doesn't have to be so gray - I can stand on one side or another and know that I am on the right side, and know that I am going to heaven no matter what happens in this life.
So I still have a lot of growing up to do, I guess, but I know that no matter where I go or what I do, I will always have thing that is dearest to me, a relationship with Christ.
Basically I have been thinking a lot, which is seldom good. One of Kendall Payne's songs "Scratch" has been stuck in my head for about two weeks, without me really knowing it= "Its a big girl world now, full of big girl things."
Until I spoke about 'growing up' at Cru last night. It was a good subject, but in hindsight it's ironic I was telling others how we can grow up in the likeness of God when I really don't want to. At times I can't wait to see where God will take me in the next two years, let alone the rest of my life. Sometimes I think having such a long-term mind is not a good thing. Meh. But it is a big girl world now. And I'm only almost 21. I have (hopefully) 3/4 of my life yet to come. And the past two years have been the best of my life. I have grown so much in my faith-- first realizing that my faith was based on rules and regulations and liturgy learned in church. And learning about my true purpose in life has been pretty awesome, along with finding out that life doesn't have to be so gray - I can stand on one side or another and know that I am on the right side, and know that I am going to heaven no matter what happens in this life.
So I still have a lot of growing up to do, I guess, but I know that no matter where I go or what I do, I will always have thing that is dearest to me, a relationship with Christ.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
progress.
It's really cool to see how much I change as weeks, even days go by. I've been thinking about Brazil a lot and I have been questioning my heart and motives in going, fully knowing that I will not go if my heart isn't in the right place. But even tho I have doubted my feelings, I surprise myself when someone asks me about it or I tell people about my potential summer plans; I get really excited and feel like I need to explain the whole thing to them and tell them how much I want to go, etc. I had a random person express their interest in supporting me this summer, which was a definite surprise. I think, little by little, God is showing me that Brazil is the place for me this summer, and I need not worry about the finances and what will happen afterwards.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
106,456,367,669.
I was talking with Alyssa last night about some random things and we ended up talking about heaven and how many people will be there. So I thought of all the people that have ever lived on this earth. We probably won't ever know for sure because so many people debate about how old the earth is, etc: BUT I found a website that gave a number: 106,456,367,669 have been born up to mid-2002. Isn't that crazy? 106 billion people.
arrows.
found this story on kendall payne's website guestbook:
"A friend of mine had this dream: He was running from something. He didn’t know what the ‘Something’ was, he just knew it was chasing him. And it was gaining on him. He wanted to turn around, but was too scared and couldn’t afford the wasted time. So he ran faster and faster, sweat pouring down his face, heart racing. Without warning, he felt an arrow pierce his back, it stung, he fell to the ground in agony. He knew his enemy had conquered him. Mustering all the courage he had inside him, he turned over to face his advisory. Nothing could have prepared him for the shock. It was Jesus who had been chasing him. At first my friend was angry with Jesus, but then he saw tears in Jesus’ eyes. Jesus helped him to his feet and they walked a few more steps, where my friend saw the cliff drop out from underneath him and a deadly ravine below. He knew he had been running straight for it, and it was Jesus who had saved him, by wounding him."
Maybe in heaven someday we will find out why God had to shoot us with arrows. I for one would love to know why I have been hit- several times by the same arrow it seems. On a random sidenote, Kendall Payne ROCKS. her songs are so good and easy to play on the guitar (double-cool in my book).
"A friend of mine had this dream: He was running from something. He didn’t know what the ‘Something’ was, he just knew it was chasing him. And it was gaining on him. He wanted to turn around, but was too scared and couldn’t afford the wasted time. So he ran faster and faster, sweat pouring down his face, heart racing. Without warning, he felt an arrow pierce his back, it stung, he fell to the ground in agony. He knew his enemy had conquered him. Mustering all the courage he had inside him, he turned over to face his advisory. Nothing could have prepared him for the shock. It was Jesus who had been chasing him. At first my friend was angry with Jesus, but then he saw tears in Jesus’ eyes. Jesus helped him to his feet and they walked a few more steps, where my friend saw the cliff drop out from underneath him and a deadly ravine below. He knew he had been running straight for it, and it was Jesus who had saved him, by wounding him."
Maybe in heaven someday we will find out why God had to shoot us with arrows. I for one would love to know why I have been hit- several times by the same arrow it seems. On a random sidenote, Kendall Payne ROCKS. her songs are so good and easy to play on the guitar (double-cool in my book).
Thursday, January 04, 2007
peace.
Another TCX has come and gone and God is faithful in teaching me a few lessons I needed to learn. I gained a lot of knowledge about heaven, eternity, judgment, our actions on earth, etc. One big thing I learned about was peace. Christ is the Prince of Peace, my King. I haven't really been resting in him and letting him be my peace. This past semester I have been worrying a lot about the future- this summer and when I graduate. Important events I need to be thinking about, but I’ve been wavering between just thinking about it some days and obsessively freaking out about it other days. I really wanted God to show me last week what He wanted me to do. A week later, I think I know what He wants, and I will pursue it, trusting He will give me what I need. The cool thing about it was God has brought me to a sense of peace. Even if I had 100% certainty about it, He still might change the plan. I’ve realized that and have put more of my trust in Him than ever before, which has really brought me a state of peacefulness.
James 3:18 says, “Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.” My family doesn’t get along real well sometimes. I often become the peacemaker. For awhile I saw it as a burden, always being put in the middle, taking both sides of most issues to make everyone happy. I have finally realized that it’s not a burden- and I am glad to help out and keep the peace when I can. But I was thinking about telling my family about the possibility of going to Brazil this summer, and God showed me that so often I keep silent about Him around my family, like not sharing what he’s teaching me, just so I can keep the peace. I’ve been limiting His glory by just trying to keep the peace around the house.
James 3:18 says, “Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.” My family doesn’t get along real well sometimes. I often become the peacemaker. For awhile I saw it as a burden, always being put in the middle, taking both sides of most issues to make everyone happy. I have finally realized that it’s not a burden- and I am glad to help out and keep the peace when I can. But I was thinking about telling my family about the possibility of going to Brazil this summer, and God showed me that so often I keep silent about Him around my family, like not sharing what he’s teaching me, just so I can keep the peace. I’ve been limiting His glory by just trying to keep the peace around the house.