three posts in one day ... that's crazy.
right now i am frustrated. really frustrated. i thought i managed my time SO well today ... i watched a half hour of TV while i ate lunch this afternoon and that was it. Honestly, it was the only down time i had all day until now. i worked on homework and crusade and RA stuff ALL DAY and i feel like i didn't get ANYWHERE. i feel like a sack of potatoes are weighing on each shoulder. everytime i try to get something done, one more potato just gets thrown in the bag. Jesus, take these potatoes off my shoulders. If they are here much longer they are going to rot and smell and i will not be able to stand it any more.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Wealth and Justice ... and religion?
During my wealth & justice class this morning, we had to write an answer to this question, then discuss it in groups: "How have your family/experiences/beliefs/etc shaped your view of economic justice?"
my group of 6 people talked about farming the whole time which was interesting to hear about. after all the groups spoke the prof then gave his answer to the question- he said he is a "Catholic, one that is relatively serious," {or he said something like that}, and proceeded to talk about how that affected his view of income distribution and stuff. I didn't really understand him [not a new feeling] but he didn't really make his point very clear. I never thought about my spiritual beliefs in terms of economics before ... but I the way he meant it, he wanted people to speak up about their different denominations. Probably good that no one did, as I think a HUGE debate would have occured. But this was all during the last 5 minutes of class so no one is willing to share their opinion then because we all want to LEAVE! ;)
He is an interesting prof to say the least. I wish I had something profound to talk about during class since we'll be graded partially on how much we speak up. My motto for this class: "Better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
my group of 6 people talked about farming the whole time which was interesting to hear about. after all the groups spoke the prof then gave his answer to the question- he said he is a "Catholic, one that is relatively serious," {or he said something like that}, and proceeded to talk about how that affected his view of income distribution and stuff. I didn't really understand him [not a new feeling] but he didn't really make his point very clear. I never thought about my spiritual beliefs in terms of economics before ... but I the way he meant it, he wanted people to speak up about their different denominations. Probably good that no one did, as I think a HUGE debate would have occured. But this was all during the last 5 minutes of class so no one is willing to share their opinion then because we all want to LEAVE! ;)
He is an interesting prof to say the least. I wish I had something profound to talk about during class since we'll be graded partially on how much we speak up. My motto for this class: "Better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
Captivating
I am reading this book [captivating] by John and Stasi Eldredge. I started it a few weeks ago and I have really enjoyed it so far. The subtitle is "Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul." pretty interesting. It basically revolves around 3 main desires that women have- to be swept into a romance, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, to be the Beauty of the story. They call these things the secret to the feminine heart.
Whether all or some women really do have these desires because we were created with them, or even one of them, I think makes a lot of valid points. But none struck me very deeply until Chapter 4: Wounded. It talks about the relationship between mothers, fathers & their daughters, and how we are deeply affected for the rest of our lives by the things we experience as a child. It talks about wounded hearts, and how common they are in many women today. It talks about fathers, and the two extremes they could fall in to: becoming driven & violent, strength gone bad - or becoming passive, silent men [like Adam], strength gone away. [Important distinction: I [and the authors] are not saying every man is like this, or turns out to be this way]. The chapter goes on to explore the wounds our mothers give us.
It really picks up when the issue of our wounds is put under a light - how the messages of our wounds shape us- the way our feelings, as a product of these wounds, turn us into who we are. Then comes the topic of wounded femininity, which is where my eyes grew wide.
"As a reulst of the wounds we receive growing up, we come to believe that some part of us, maybe even every part of us, is marred. Shame enters in and makes us look away, so we avoid eye contact with strangers and friends. Shame is that feeling that haunts us, the sense that if someone really knew us, they would shake their heads in disgust and run away. Shame makes us feel, no, believe that we do not measure up-not to the world's standards, the church's standars, or our own. ... "We are lacking. We know we are not all that we long to be, all that God longs for us to be, but instead of coming up for grace-filled air and asking God what he thinks of us, shame keeps us pinned down and gasping, believing that we deserve to suffocate. If we were not deemed worthy of love as children, it is incredibly difficult to believe we are worth loving as adults. Shame says we are unworthy, broken, and beyond repair."
There are a few more pages after this paragraph but I won't go in to any more detail. This chapter might seem kind of random right now but read in the context of the book it makes more sense. I guess you will have to just read it! :]
Whether all or some women really do have these desires because we were created with them, or even one of them, I think makes a lot of valid points. But none struck me very deeply until Chapter 4: Wounded. It talks about the relationship between mothers, fathers & their daughters, and how we are deeply affected for the rest of our lives by the things we experience as a child. It talks about wounded hearts, and how common they are in many women today. It talks about fathers, and the two extremes they could fall in to: becoming driven & violent, strength gone bad - or becoming passive, silent men [like Adam], strength gone away. [Important distinction: I [and the authors] are not saying every man is like this, or turns out to be this way]. The chapter goes on to explore the wounds our mothers give us.
It really picks up when the issue of our wounds is put under a light - how the messages of our wounds shape us- the way our feelings, as a product of these wounds, turn us into who we are. Then comes the topic of wounded femininity, which is where my eyes grew wide.
"As a reulst of the wounds we receive growing up, we come to believe that some part of us, maybe even every part of us, is marred. Shame enters in and makes us look away, so we avoid eye contact with strangers and friends. Shame is that feeling that haunts us, the sense that if someone really knew us, they would shake their heads in disgust and run away. Shame makes us feel, no, believe that we do not measure up-not to the world's standards, the church's standars, or our own. ... "We are lacking. We know we are not all that we long to be, all that God longs for us to be, but instead of coming up for grace-filled air and asking God what he thinks of us, shame keeps us pinned down and gasping, believing that we deserve to suffocate. If we were not deemed worthy of love as children, it is incredibly difficult to believe we are worth loving as adults. Shame says we are unworthy, broken, and beyond repair."
There are a few more pages after this paragraph but I won't go in to any more detail. This chapter might seem kind of random right now but read in the context of the book it makes more sense. I guess you will have to just read it! :]
Saturday, January 28, 2006
aha!
The mystery has been solved! our crazy bio prof helenurm is from CANADA ... go figure. no wonder he says 'rezources' and such.
on a separate, random note, we were talking about predators in class on friday. meghan and i were both so out of it because we wrote down 'pray' instead of 'prey.' man that class was boring!
on a separate, random note, we were talking about predators in class on friday. meghan and i were both so out of it because we wrote down 'pray' instead of 'prey.' man that class was boring!
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
nuts
can I just crawl in my bed and sleep until february? maybe until my birthday? this is the second busiest time of year [first, being finals]. talk about committing myself to a lot of stuff. i am borderline over committed. 'just say no, amy...just say no.'
Monday, January 23, 2006
Vespers!
I love Vespers. It gives me the chance to finally offer my thoughts & praises to the Lord. I know I'm not supposed to worship to get something out of it, but I can't help but feel good after giving God my full attention for even just an hour. It actually almost makes me a little mad because I want to sit and worship forever!...but I can't. I know I have to get back to the 'real world...' even though I do, I know I can still offer God my thanks and live my life for him, which is true worship.
"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life--your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life--and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him." ~Romans 12:1 [the msg]
"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life--your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life--and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him." ~Romans 12:1 [the msg]
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
"It's amazing!"
man, this is going to be an interesting semester of BIO 103 ... so far i've learned that:
1. Fish do not blow bubbles. Yet, our biology books shows little fishes with bubbles coming out of their mouths.
2. Ivory from tusks of elephants are apparently an aphrodisiac. yay.
3. "It's all about sex and death. They're the only things that really matter."
4. "Many of the same type of fish are just called 'fish,' not fishes."
5. "Males and females are different. We sort of know that."
6. "Most of us love the subject of us."
7. "So I hate it because it's stupid."
8. "We live in the only country where poor people are fat."
9. "Old people die more."
10."We're busy doing things all the time ... like polluting."
11."You've got MITES living in your EYEBROWS! HA!!"
1. Fish do not blow bubbles. Yet, our biology books shows little fishes with bubbles coming out of their mouths.
2. Ivory from tusks of elephants are apparently an aphrodisiac. yay.
3. "It's all about sex and death. They're the only things that really matter."
4. "Many of the same type of fish are just called 'fish,' not fishes."
5. "Males and females are different. We sort of know that."
6. "Most of us love the subject of us."
7. "So I hate it because it's stupid."
8. "We live in the only country where poor people are fat."
9. "Old people die more."
10."We're busy doing things all the time ... like polluting."
11."You've got MITES living in your EYEBROWS! HA!!"
Monday, January 16, 2006
interest
maybe it's just me but it seems that lately, a lot of people are becoming more interested in spiritual things. Movies, especially- Passion of the Christ, Lord of the Rings, Chronicles of Narnia, End of the Spear all have a Gospel message, good vs. evil type feel. even a lot of the popular books coming out are about changing your life, living with a purpose, finding something important to focus on. cool that there are all these options to use to start up conversations with people!
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
back to v-town
well, classes start in one week and today was my last day @ home. tomorrow i leave for v-town, knowing i have accomplished the following:
finished over 1/2 of my gov't class! yay!
work on my novel...just a bit but i have some great ideas brewing
finished Screwtape Letters!
did not start 'Through Painted Deserts'-
...altho i started 'Candide' by Voltaire
reworked a few songs & wrote a new one
all in all, it was a good break. i also managed to do a few puzzles and hung out w/relatives & friends. ahh but i cannot wait to be busy w/school stuff again!
finished over 1/2 of my gov't class! yay!
work on my novel...just a bit but i have some great ideas brewing
finished Screwtape Letters!
did not start 'Through Painted Deserts'-
...altho i started 'Candide' by Voltaire
reworked a few songs & wrote a new one
all in all, it was a good break. i also managed to do a few puzzles and hung out w/relatives & friends. ahh but i cannot wait to be busy w/school stuff again!
Sunday, January 08, 2006
church
ahhh so many thoughts running through my head. that's what my church at home does to you. sadly i always come out of a service at little Christ Lutheran more confused than when i went in. Our pastor was gone today [sidenote: he didn't tell anyone in our congregation he wouldn't be there] so we had a different pastor do the service and his wife [a pastor-in-training] do the sermon.
I'm not going to lie, it was a good sermon. But there's the whole woman-as-preachers debate that i don't wanna get in to. The idea of no women pastors wouldn't be so hard for me to swallow if i didn't like their sermons a LOT better than any man i've heard preach [in a lutheran church, that is]. I can't help thinking the elementary thought that if God didn't want women to be pastors, couldn't he just make them all do a really bad job so no one churches would want to hire them and no one would like them? wow, that looks even dumber in writing than it sounded in my head. Just another one of those things that God wants people to figure out for themselves. Good thing he gave us the Bible to help us figure it out!
Now on to the statement "The church is not a building." Yes. Obviously true. yet i see so many hearts in our congregation that are unwilling to serve, people acting like they love coming to church even tho I know they don't. people that don't even pretend they like coming to church but feel obligated to, and for some reason they show up anyway. No wonder our church is ripping apart at the seams. These people are not a church. These people do not need religion. They need a relationship w/God.
As long as I'm 'on my soap box' I will cover one small reason for our melancholy congregation: our liturgy. I understand that it makes people feel comfortable, it's tradition, probably like 95% is even biblical. But's a ROUTINE. It becomes such a routine that, if you're not careful, worship becomes mindless, heartless and pointless.
I can't wait until I get back to Hillside Community Church.
I'm not going to lie, it was a good sermon. But there's the whole woman-as-preachers debate that i don't wanna get in to. The idea of no women pastors wouldn't be so hard for me to swallow if i didn't like their sermons a LOT better than any man i've heard preach [in a lutheran church, that is]. I can't help thinking the elementary thought that if God didn't want women to be pastors, couldn't he just make them all do a really bad job so no one churches would want to hire them and no one would like them? wow, that looks even dumber in writing than it sounded in my head. Just another one of those things that God wants people to figure out for themselves. Good thing he gave us the Bible to help us figure it out!
Now on to the statement "The church is not a building." Yes. Obviously true. yet i see so many hearts in our congregation that are unwilling to serve, people acting like they love coming to church even tho I know they don't. people that don't even pretend they like coming to church but feel obligated to, and for some reason they show up anyway. No wonder our church is ripping apart at the seams. These people are not a church. These people do not need religion. They need a relationship w/God.
As long as I'm 'on my soap box' I will cover one small reason for our melancholy congregation: our liturgy. I understand that it makes people feel comfortable, it's tradition, probably like 95% is even biblical. But's a ROUTINE. It becomes such a routine that, if you're not careful, worship becomes mindless, heartless and pointless.
I can't wait until I get back to Hillside Community Church.
Friday, January 06, 2006
the future...ooo scary!
What I am doing with the rest of my life?
ha. loaded question. there are a lot of people I could get advice from, books i could read, etc. But check out this verse: "Don't be stupid. Instead, find out what the Lord wants you to do." -Ephesians 5:17 [cev]
hm. that works!
now, to find out what the Lord wants me to do
... lol. that might take some time.
good thing i have my whole life to figure it out!
ha. loaded question. there are a lot of people I could get advice from, books i could read, etc. But check out this verse: "Don't be stupid. Instead, find out what the Lord wants you to do." -Ephesians 5:17 [cev]
hm. that works!
now, to find out what the Lord wants me to do
... lol. that might take some time.
good thing i have my whole life to figure it out!
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
gifts
A small observation:
My parents & I gave Joy a DVD and a CD for Christmas - both gifts I would love to receive. Joy/her parents gave me a jewelry box, bracelet & necklace - all gifts that joy would love to receive. Now, I like to get gifts no matter what they are, and I LOVE my jewelry. I think it's funny when we realize we often give someone what we would want to receive. Nothin wrong with that!
My parents & I gave Joy a DVD and a CD for Christmas - both gifts I would love to receive. Joy/her parents gave me a jewelry box, bracelet & necklace - all gifts that joy would love to receive. Now, I like to get gifts no matter what they are, and I LOVE my jewelry. I think it's funny when we realize we often give someone what we would want to receive. Nothin wrong with that!
TCX '05
First, let me say that TCX is the winter conference of Campus Crusade for Christ. There are 10 conferences all over the US- places like San Deigo, Spokane WA, DC, Atlanta, Denver- over 10,000 students participate total. At TCX [twin-cities xperience] 1400 college students in the upper midwest-IA, SD, ND, MN, WI- got together for four days at the Hilton in Minneapolis to go to seminars, listen to speakers, worship, pray and grow!! It's sweet. There. My schpeel is now complete.
Second, I've actually been avoiding blogging about the conference. There is so much to tell! About halfway through the 4 days I remember saying the trip was worth it, but I had more fun the year before. WRONG! I had just as much fun, probably even more. And I learned a lot, too. I learned that I focus too much on the future, and I'm missing what's happening right now. I'm focusing too much on summer project and what I could do after graduation that I am missing the relationships I could be building now and women I could be influencing on my floor.
I learned that I have not been leading with a heart of worship last semester, of which I am very regretful. Being put in the position of leading worship for CRU has been awesome and I love doing, but God showed me that I really was not revealing my heart in doing so. I was too concerned with practices, equipment problems & nerves to truly worship Him. God is so faithful that He continues to teach me something new every day.
Second, I've actually been avoiding blogging about the conference. There is so much to tell! About halfway through the 4 days I remember saying the trip was worth it, but I had more fun the year before. WRONG! I had just as much fun, probably even more. And I learned a lot, too. I learned that I focus too much on the future, and I'm missing what's happening right now. I'm focusing too much on summer project and what I could do after graduation that I am missing the relationships I could be building now and women I could be influencing on my floor.
I learned that I have not been leading with a heart of worship last semester, of which I am very regretful. Being put in the position of leading worship for CRU has been awesome and I love doing, but God showed me that I really was not revealing my heart in doing so. I was too concerned with practices, equipment problems & nerves to truly worship Him. God is so faithful that He continues to teach me something new every day.