song

I asked for strength that I might achieve;
I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey.

I asked for health that I might do greater things;
I was given infirmity that I might do better things.

I asked for riches that I might be happy;
I was given poverty that I might be wise.

I asked for power that I might have the praise of men;
I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life;
I was given life that I might enjoy all things.

I got nothing that I had asked for;
But everything I had hoped for.

Almost despite myself my unspoken prayers were answered;
I am, among all men, most richly blessed.

Our church choir sang this old song on easter. I love it. It does a perfect job of describing me and the changes I have been through and am continually going through. And just when I think I've learned my lesson, sometimes I need to relearn it- so thankful for the grace of God!

A and B

[disclaimer: this is a REALLY random thought that I am just beginning to formulate in my mind, so I'm sure once I read it I will probably think "HUH!?" or change my mind, so just keep that in mind, haha.]

I want to believe in the romantic idea that there is one perfect person out there for everyone, but I just don't think it's true for everyone- in some cases people stay single their whole lives, and in others people are happily married to several people [...at different times...but not after divorcing...like the example I'm thinking of is Elisabeth Elliot]. Once, I heard a wise person say that God's will might not be as direct and to the point as we might sometimes think- like there could be several majors one could pick in college, each resulting in different careers, but no matter what is chosen they are all God's will [i have now entered the point of no return, so i really hope that I understood this person correctly! lol]. so, there could be several people that one could marry and all would be an ok choice. question- man A could basically marry woman A or woman B. He decides to be adventurous and pick B, which means he doesn't pick A. what if man A was the only one that woman A would ever marry and man A went and picked woman B,leaving A single the rest of her life, when possibly woman B could have married man B?

I just re-read all that. wow. now i have proof i'm crazy! :P but i'll leave this post up here [why not?] in hopes of spurring some awesomely random comments from one or all three of the people that read this. [that would be mike, alyssa and kristine]

love

I am doing a book study on philippians now [FINALLY finished up james!] and i read through the following verses and i just love them:

So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God. -Philippians 1:9-11 [the message]

Love is a tricky thing. It should never be false, fake or foul. We are to love others so Jesus will be proud of us - glad that we are making him known, and making him appear fascinating- which he is. This passage tells us to be careful with our love- which sounds contradictory since we are to love everyone. But may be it's saying that you need to be careful in not just who you love, but how you love. anyway, 1 corinthians 13 isn't the only awesome chapter on love! i think this passage is awesome, too. :]

Support Raising

Wow. God is soooo faithful, which is like the theme of my life, but it's soo true!!! Support raising has been such a great experience for me. I knew I would get the money I needed, but crazy how the money poured in! So many people wished me good luck for this summer at church on Easter - and man did they contribute!! I didn't directly ask the church for money becauce they don't have any [read below]. So i sent letters to a few individuals and was so surprised at their generousity. I thought most of my money wouldn't come from people around the Springfield area, but relatives and even some family friends that I didn't think would support me did so. One of the best envelopes I opened was from a couple that my parents have been relatively good friends with for a long time- they wrote a very nice note and stuck it in the envelope w/a check...wow, it was just heartwarming to read!! One of my old high school teachers said she and her husband were involved in CCC in college- very cool! Then there's the Wells family- amazing people. nothing else to say about them, except that they are a great example to others out there. And I have to say, I am so appreciative of my friends that have supported me, both w/prayers and financially. It's so tough being in college and scraping up extra money to give to someone else- so cool to see these people offer me what they have no matter how little or how much. And then there's my grandparents. my mom mentioned they wanted to talk to me about my 'trip' before they wrote out a check and they'd talk about it with me at Easter dinner at my house. ahhhh!!! money is a big deal with them, as it is in my family, so i was definitely a bit nervous for that one. But, here is how huge of a provider God is: they wanted to ask how close I was to my goal, because they would make up the difference. ahhh!! amazing. I was so excited to hear that. My mom already said her and my dad would make up the difference if I didn't get there, but i kind of felt like they 'knew' they would have to so they offered- but I don't think they'll 'need' to give me anymore than they have after paying the registration. wow. yeah. I could tell so many more stories. ahh! God is so faithful! [sorry, had to say it one more time]!!

Easter

Got up @ 530 this morning for another wonderful sunrise Eater service at my little white church in the country. A few times I have teared up during church there, but today I did about three different times. The first was because we were late, like getting out of the car as the bells rang because no one woke Joel up [hello, he's almost 15 and knows how to set an alarm. mom went to church early to help get breakfast stuff going so of course we weren't completely put together since mom's the glue that holds the fam together] and I was crabby and so was everyone else and it was just bad. So the service starts and pretty soon I tear up again - plus we were sitting in the front row [lateness] but it wasn't real obvious - anyway, we were singing a semi-familiar hymn, but the congregation just wasn't catching on. All the women were in the kitchen downstairs cooking eggs and all the men and children were upstairs muddling through this song, plus the pews were also full of people that only come to church on Christmas and Easter so they had no idea what was going on, either. I am not real sure why this made me tear up but i thought about it and it did. Oh, I remember why- no one was enthusiastic at all. Yeah. Seriously, I was bored TO TEARS during the sermon. i was so frustrated that no one was EXCITED!! I mean, it's EASTER! come on! Like the most important day in history!! our SAVIOR rose from the dead. get excited people! argh. anyway, the third time i teared up [seriously] was during the offering when my mom and a few other ladies sang a song for special music. after almost crying twice i REALLY had to hold it in this time. Here are these wonderful women, spending all their time during the service flipping pancakes, only to take a break when they come up to sing w/ the choir [which is about half the church aka 15 pple] before the service and during offering. They were singing this song..."I didn't get anything I asked for but everything I hoped for" ... and some other lyrics that i can't remember now but made me cry. Wow I just wrote a whole huge paragraph about crying! ugh. yay for being a woman. anyway, I just wanted to kind of vent about church. there's talk of closing the doors, and I honestly don't think it's a bad idea. I don't want it to, but we are using money donated for new doors, fans and lights to pay the bills. Anyway, I am done venting now! thanks for reading [if you still are]!

update

wow! it's been a pretty crazy last week or so. i feel like i've accomplished a lot, yet nothing at all. i've spent practically no time reading my Bible, but a lot of time studying. i am super excited for the long weekend-- minimal homework and lots of sleep time! and maybe a puzzle ... and for sure some guitar playing. a LOT of guitar playing. hopefully some writing. and i want to finish let me be a woman by Elisabeth Elliot, and start/finish the case for Christ by Lee Strobel. i kind of wish i was working this weekend, tho- duty would be sooo super easy, i would be able to get a lot done since no one's here, and i would be able to make some money! AND i would be able to go to hillside on sunday- yay for exciting church!! whooops did i write that? eh it's true. oh well. i have an econ exam tomorrow ... yay! [not!] bleh. ooo! i thought of another fun thing about this weekend - first time i am home since i started support raising for project ... i finally get to add up my money and figure out how much i have! def. excited. it hasn't really bothered me because i know the Lord will provide - i really, really believe that he'll provide what i need, but then everyone talks about their totals, etc so then that makes me want to know. also i am assuming i'll be fielding some tough questions from parents, friends, etc on the whole deal. mm. when we spoke about our summer plans @ hillside and asked for prayer support, i was really excited to let people know what i was doing, etc. but talking to non-christian's about it sometimes gets me down because i know they won't TRULY understand where i'm coming from. I have moved from the "yuck this is an obligation to tell them" to "i have this awesome opportunity to share w/them what God's done and doing in my life" but still sometimes i trudge through it. anyway, that's probably about all for the night bc i want to study a bit [ok, cram a LOT] before i go to bed, so i am signing off!

more sweet lyrics

take these hands. lift them up. for i have not the strength to praise you near enough. i have nothing, i have nothing, without you. take my voice. pour it out. let it sing the songs of mercy i have found. for i have nothing, i have nothing, without you. all my soul needs is your love to cover me so all the world will see i have nothing without you. take my time here on earth. let it glorify all that You are worth. for I am nothing, I am nothing, I am nothing without You.

nothing without you//bebo norman

Roller-Coaster

that's the only way to describe this week. odd ups and downs and strange feelings/emotions and mucho studying and working have been weighing me down. today was a downhill ride until i got one short e-mail that pretty much turned it to an uphill climb. i think that since wednesday is my crap day...every single week...that thursdays are always uphill climbs. anyway, i have to go on a round now. yay for 6 days until another wednesday comes around!

yuck

bleh. i knew this week would be crappy and it pretty much is. Mon-duty, Exam Wed +duty, 2 Exams on Fri, Duty saturday, Paper due Tues, Exam Wed, meetings galore...yuck. yay for easter break now only 10 days away. You know what's totally random? All my posts on here are at night. they are always after 11pm. why don't I just go to bed instead of writing on here? I don't get enough sleep anyway.

Danen Kane Lyrics

I would just like to say that Danen Kane is amazing. He played at our CRU meeting last week, and tonight I added him to my myspace. the same night, he left me a message saying thanks for adding him, and he enjoyed meeting and talking w/me. I bought his newest CD at the concert and I LOVE IT! can't put it down. I learned how to play 'He Loves You' from that CD and posted it online. sweet. here are the lyrics-

Danen Kane - He Loves You
from the 2006 CD 'She'
www.danenkane.com

Another morning after has come. He left before your eyes had awoken.
The smell of alcohol surrounds your head.
Your blurry vision sees your empty bed.
Your mascara runs to catch your tears.
The darkness only reminds you of your fears.
You feel you're so filthy God can't even look you in the face.
Beautiful little girl you're forgotten the wonders of His grace.

He Loves You

The lies say you're in too deep and there's no turning back.
They say your mind is rotten and your heart is black.
Dear sister, let me tell you that's not true, no that's not true.
Rught now He knocks at your heart and He is there waiting for you

He loves You
He loves You

You see a defiled body, he sees a buried treasure.
Unlock the chest that has been waiting for you.
Break out that old dusty Bible, let Christ lead your soul to revival
If I can't reach your heart with my pen then, I'll have to sing it again.

He Loves You.