western sodak

I just want to say I really like the black hills. gorgeous! reminds me of northern-ish MN. i could live here, definitely. or in northern MN, for sure. hopefully i will get to take a few pictures during my stay at the torbert's house. they are a pretty great family. and tomorrow we are going shopping - wahoo!

two days of complacency

my weekend was pretty great. friday i finished my fall semester with [hopefully] the best finals i have ever taken [academically. they were still pretty tough]. got up around 8am and had breakfast with the farmhouse girlies [with presents afterward] before they took off for MN and finals. i lounged around all day, spent some time in the Word, played many a game of spider solitaire, messed around, played my guitar, good stuff like that. all that was topped off with a brownie for supper. don't worry, the brownie had caramel on top. and the caramel had vanilla ice cream on top of that.

Saturday i slept in, went to rochelle's grad party, then stopped by hillside for maria's party. good times! her family is so nice. and free pizza is good, too. got home mid-afternoon, played more guitar, packed for rapid [!], played more spider solitaire [think i'm addicted], rescued the pregnant cat from behind the dryer, watched a few movies [the end of LOTR, part of a german film about the Holocaust, Finding Nemo, Save the Last Dance] and ate a lot of unhealthy foods.

a whole month!

the semester is pretty much over. pretty crazy. i have a bit more to work on with my SIFE news story but I'm basically done. what to do now? man i need a job. hopefully i will be able to get one after christmas is over. tomorrow is gonna be nice....hang out all day, do nothing [hopefully!] Jules and Jordan are going on a date tomorrow night and Joy and Lys will be out of town. what to do? we'll see. maybe date night w/Jesus or something. I could use some time in the Word! can't wait to spend almost all next week in rapid. gonna be a good time! then a week at home, a few days in the cities + maria's wedding and then back to verm-town.

The Love of God

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above,
Would drain the ocean dry.
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.

Awesome.

Wolves & Mountains

I feel the need to document this in case it needs referring to later. Tonight Jordan was hanging out w/us and Jules, Lys and I were talking in the kitchen with him about random stuff. I had been thinking about how hard it is for some guys to ask a girl out, so I asked Jordan this question:

"How much more likely is a guy to go up to a girl if she's alone, say, in a coffee shop, than when she's with a group of her friends?"

He proceeded to reply "It's like the difference between a deer and a pack of wolves." Lys, Jules and I proceeded to say "Yep, you're probably right!" It was pretty hilarious.

Also from Jordan- the Everest example. Asking a girl out in front of her friends is like climbing Mt. Everest - few make it, many die along the way, but for those that do make it, come great rewards.

perspective

what's important in life? really? i am sitting here playing spider solitaire, ignore my org behavior book and feeling bad for amusing myself with a card game when i could be doing something more useful [like blogging i guess...ha! what irony]. i just think it's horrible that people can go their whole life and not know what is really important. they climb the corporate ladder and go home at night to their house in the 'burbs w/a spouse and 2.3 kids. and that's cool, more power to em for being success, acheiving their goals, etc. but material things don't matter. even i put so much faith in and receive worth from my posessions. i know what is important in life- i am so thankful for having found the thing for which i will live my life and give everything back to, as He gave it all for me. i think a change in perspective could be awesome for me, tho. i sorely need to be hit with eternal perspective. yay tcx. 18 days.

freak-out

it happened. even after my careful planning of the rest of my life [ok, the next two years] I find myself wanting to do the unthinkable: change my major. technically, this is what I am: Business Admin degree with a Management Major and Human Resource Specialization + a degree in Contemporary Media & Journalism with an emphasis in Print Journalism. YUCK. If I could start over, I think I'd switch to a Finance + English major. The business part...I can do numbers, but I cannot figure out people. what was I thinking with an HR Management major? Ugh. And Journalism...well, I don't see myself writing for a newspaper in college- OR EVER. Maybe a magazine. But (I think) I would love to get into publishing, for which an English major would be sweet. I mean, a journalism degree will probably be 'good enough' but English would be the practical thing I suppose.

Oh who am I kidding? Why change majors now? It's not like switching will magically solve all my problems. And THEN there's Campus Crusade. I could just forget this college junk and work for them. Sweetness. Except I need a 4yr degree. Ok. I guess college will have to do no matter what the major.

Fame.

I had to write a few obituaries for my newswriting class today- just finished writing Madeleine Albright's obit, which is tough since she isn't dead yet. Man, she has had a pretty interesting life. It was fun to learn about it, and if I had some extra time on my hands I would like to read up on her a bit more. Maybe over Christmas break. She has a new book out, entitled "The Mighty and the Almighty". Sounds interesting, and probably a decent read. I can't get over famous people. They have so much power sometimes- depending on the person, I guess. I can't help but think what would happen if people like Madeleine Albright or, say, Oprah, were Christian? I'd say there's probably a good chance that neither of them are, but then again I don't know for sure. Today in his sermon, PT talked about God's wisdom- basically He knows everything about us - and He loves us anyway, which is pretty cool. PT talked about successes, and, even when no one sees the good we do and we don't get credit for it, God sees it. Comforting, since sometimes I feel that the work I (and the rest of us in crusade) do goes unnoticed and unthanked. It's pathetic how self-centered I can be, and how much I do with the wrong motives. Ever since I was little I always wanted to be famous. I mean, not like movie star famous (but if it happened, it'd be ok :] ) but just famous- I wanted people to know me. I want to be known. And it's really awesome that someone CAN know me so well, probably even better than myself (that'd be God). Even my roommies...I mean, we spend a lot of time together and are close friends, but I will never know everything about Joy Lys or Jules. And they'll never know everything about me. But God will, which is actually kind of scary. These thoughts were running through my mind today during the rest of the service and afterwards. I haven't really given up my insane desire to be famous. It sounds funny, but still at times I slip into the mood that my worth comes from how many people know me and like me. Even something little like seeing a vaguely familiar face on campus, and that person says "hey amy" and I have no idea how I know them, or better, how they know me. And then I realize they know me from CRU since I'm up on stage and I think, man, maybe I'm more popular than I think (because I'm not popular). So you see, it's tricky. Let's bring this full circle. I want to be famous. I can't deny it. I want to be known by a lot of people and have someone write my biography and name a building after me and build me a monument. I want to be famous like Madeleine Albright. And I know it probably will never happen, but it's something I've wanted all my life, so it's a bit hard dealing with those feelings. Because those have changed. I want to be a servant- I don't have a servant's heart, but I want one because I know it's what I should do. I guess it comes down to the fact that I'm a walking contradiction.

i am crazy.

i know i'm blogged about this before but today i just reaffirmed the fact that i'm crazy. i spent 4 hrs in the library and kid you not i spent 45 minutes figuring out a MATH PROBLEM. not just any math problem, but a finance IRR problem- you had to figure out the percentage of the cash flows or whatever and instead of just looking in the book i did trial & error, which was ok, except since i am so obsessive-compulsive i figured out the percenage to ALL 9 DECIMAL PLACES by trial and error. 13.70447422%.

i am crazy.

random

ready for this? here we GO!...

I got this little book with prayers in it for Christmas last year from MissLiss- joy had the same one diff. version and i liked it so i was excited...then i didn't read it for 8 months, until now. the other night i read the next one in order and it was a prayer to God for the gift he has given me - some thing, passion of mine, that I have that is unique to me and important to who i am, and that I want to know what it is and want to bless people with it, not impress people with it. at the time i thought, 'uh, yeah that's AWESOME! perfectly applicable to my life at the present moment [thanks God]. I said to God, "hey this is really cool...i really want to know what my gift in life is, the thing you've blessed me with that i can share with other people...maybe it will give me some insight in to what i wanna do with the rest of my life. maybe it will be the thing i will do with the rest of my life." so then i got excited, because this is something i really, really, REALLY want to figure out. And i told God, 'yeah can you let me know what that is because it would be really sweet.' Then i re-read the page to make sure i was reading it right and the words "impress" and "bless" stuck out at me. If i knew what this gift was at this time in my life, i would probably wave it around and people and do the whole 'look what i can do' in a little female 'stewart voice' from mad tv...i probably woulnd't be blessing people with it. so, i said 'yeah, God, i think you do know what you are doing. sorry for doubting you!'

SO today on the way to church I mentioned all this to Jules and was telling her how I hope that my 'gift' will clue me in on what i should do the rest of my life, and you know what she said? "So you think this 'gift' is going to be a clue to what you are meant to do with the rest of your life ... good luck on that one." haha. ohh it was hilarious!

jam hands

I know i said this quote to a few people but can't remember who so in order to remind me what it is, i thought i would post it online: "I don't even like kids. They always have jam on their hands. Even when there isn't any jam in the house, they get jam on their hands. I can't deal with jam hands." -Luke from Gilmore Girls. I like this quote a lot, because it is funny and usually actually true. You want some good, intellectual jokes and very witty banter? watch gilmore girls. and it's not just for girls - if i met a guy that liked gilmore girls, psh sign me up buddy now THAT's a man.

MAJOR irony

this is a sample of a time-zone map in a book I had to buy for my newswriting class. This book is called The Associated Press [AP] Stylebook. This book exists so journalists have a place to go to check the correct spellings and references for their stories. Don't you think a book that makes sure journalists don't make mistakes probably shouldn't make a HUGE mistake like the one shown in the picture?

hint: look at our state...

leave.s.now

i snapped this picture this morning as i was leaving for vermillion - make up your mind, nature! :]

life

One quick trip home, and it seems that life has turned more serious very quickly. Jobs, houses, internships, moving, careers, farming, money-money-money. I feel like we are constantly discussing money, which is funny, because I never have any and it seems no one else does, either.

On the road of my life, I am currently cresting a huge hill- basically a mountain, the biggest of my life so far - at the top of the mountain I am halfway through college. The journey down is slowly starting- it will be bumpy, fast, fun and memorable. It's kind of hard to focus on the ride because I see the fork in the road looming ahead: graduation. The biggest fork in the road so far. The biggest bump in my road will be what the heck I'm going to do this summer. Project ... internship ... can the two be combined? that would be a sweet deal. From my family's point of view, it all comes down to money, which is a factor in the decision. Maybe I just need to decide how big a factor money will play.

passion

jordan, jules, lys and i were all just sitting in the living room at the FH, and we were talking about how crappy we feel when we don't exceed at the things we need to/want to (eg: alyssa and grades, jules and art). i was then finally able to express in words what i have been feeling all thru college, but mainly this semester- i really don't know what that one thing is in my life that i will do anything to not suck at. you following me here? i don't know my passion in life (yet). right now, i guess you could say it's the movement @ USD, more specifically the CRU meeting on campus. i will work on that before any of my homework and on a friday afternoon i love nothing more than to organize things and make to do list and dream about what we could come up with in the future. that's all fine and good for now, but what about the future? i will end this abrubtly because i'm tired and don't want to think about it any more, because it depresses me.

ridiculousness

I had to buy a business analyst calculator for my finance class...the prof said it would cost 29.99 at the MOST ... nope i paid a lovely 42 bucks for it- a little puny piece of plastic. We use it to calculate interest rates and payment periods and how much we'd need to save if we wanted to buy a 150,000 Ferrari when we turn 30. First of all, no one SAVES to buy a Ferrari. you just BUY it. and how many Ferrari's are there in the midwest? none. SOUTH DAKOTA? none. man I'm really on my soap box now. I think it's stupid- and I even like tedious math problems that involve money (ok, i love them). I could have put that 42 bucks in the bank for the two years I will be in college- at 3% interest that's $44.56 - $2.56 more than I have now. If I kept that in the bank until my 50th birthday, that's $101.95. All calculations were done on that way too expensive calculator. Ok so maybe it is handy.

smart

i am watching runaway jury right now. it is soooo good! one of my favorites. john grisham is such a great author. the way he designs the plot is amazing. granted the movie makes the story more real but to come up with something so intricate, especially involving the legal system, is awesome. it's so crazy how the lawyers in the movie think they can control everything - from the jury selection to people's attitudes about them, like spilling mustard on their tie to make them look 'simple.' i would love to come up with a story half as creative as that!

internet!

finally! our farmhouse has internet after a month of living here. sooo that means i have a little time to blog once in awhile.

basically, we are in the 4th week of school. craziness! can't believe it. classes are going decently. life gets slightly stressful sometimes, but i LOVE not having class on fridays. tuesday night business finance from 6-9 sucks, but it's good because it causes me to focus all at once.

enough about school. boring! writing for the volante...is fun. stressful, but fun. newswriting is different but better than the opinion column. i just don't have many campus connections so it's hard to find people to interview.

yeah i should do some homework. all for now.

project!

i have limited internet usage this summer so check up on me & the summer projects that 3 of my friends are on at:

http://usdsummerproject.blogspot.com

weird weather

I was on my way home today from town today in my parents new car, and about halfway there I noticed some rather large clouds starting to form. I had on black sunglasses so I guess they looked more ominous than they really were. I was about to turn onto the gravel road approx 2 miles from my home, but I had to stop after turning because there was a truck that had pulled over. Two guys got out and grabbed some coats and a cooler out of the boat and put it in the back of the truck under the covering/case thingy, so I had to wait for them to get going again. the driver noticed me and waved, he was nice about, not a big deal. anyway, during all of this the storm clouds moved in and the wind picked up. when i was a mile from home it sprinkled just a few small drops, then i watched as the wind swept across the crops in a HUGE torrential downpour!! the guys ahead of me slowed way down but even by the time I pulled into the driveway, it was still pouring down in sheets. i drove up to the garage, carefully manuevering around joel's basketball hoop that had been knocked over. I couldn't believe the wind was strong enough to knock it down, because it was held down by two tractor weights, 70 lbs each. must have been a strong wind! it didn't break or get bent, so that was lucky. also lucky i got stuck behind the slow truck & boat, otherwise I would have probably been driving up to the garage when the storm hit and it could have fallen on the car. scary! no one was home so i found it really strange that all the doors were shut, but i soon realized the windows were open and the pressure had closed the doors. the storm also demolished one of our bale racks. it was really old and crappy, and had been hooked to one of our newer ones. check that out!! nothin left but broken boards, bent nails & a crooked frame. it also bent the hitch of the new rack, which you can kinda see in the picture. I am just thankful that was all that happened!! all in all, a really weird day.

lifelong ambition

i have finally made up my mind about what i am going to do with my life. i am going to be a troubadour. just hang out on the street corner or in a park, singing my songs in some random, small town in the midwest. hopin' to make it big, but not really carin' if i don't. you think medora has a troubadour? :]

songs for my summer

i recently got my hands on casting crown's cd "Lifesong," and i have to say, i LOVE it. i can't help but think of my summer when i listen to two of the songs:
you could call "While You Were Sleeping" my motivation for my summer:

United States of America, Looks like another silent night
As we're sung to sleep by philosophies
That save the trees and kill the children
And while we're lying in the dark
There's a shout heard 'cross the eastern sky
For the Bridegroom has returned
And has carried His bride away in the night

America, what will we miss while we are sleeping
Will Jesus come again, and leave us slumbering where we lay
America, will we go down in history
As a nation with no room for its King
Will we be sleeping
Will we be sleeping


And "In Me" is my prayer for this summer:
If you ask me to leap out of my boat on the crashing waves
If You ask me to go preach to the lost world that Jesus saves

I'll go, but I cannot go alone
Cause I know I'm nothing on my own
But the power of Christ in me makes me strong
Makes me strong

Cause when I'm weak, You make me strong
When I'm blind, You shine Your light on me
Cause I'll never get by living on my own ability
How refreshing to know You don't need me
How amazing to find that You want me
So I'll stand on Your truth, and I'll fight with Your strength
Until You bring the victory, by the power of Christ in me

church

I had an interesting converstation with my mom today about church. I guess a few weeks ago at our church council which consists of my mom, our pastor, and a few others that are distantly related to my dad. they were off topic and were talking about fighting w/their spouses. one of them commented that she fought w/her husband and he only has a little 'wellner' in him, she couldn't imagine what it would be like to be married to a full-blooded wellner. the other council member agreed. my mom was so mad, and i felt horrible that people would even say that about her. what kind of a church is this? not one where people are supported or built up. the sad thing is, they are right but couldn't keep it to themselves or offer support. so much more to write that i won't get into. the congregation wonders why their attendance is so low- they have no idea why, because they think we are so friendly! falsehood. they might think they're 'minnesota nice,' and you don't even have to be on the 'inside' to notice. I think it's time the family switches churches. there's a Baptist one about 20 minutes away ... or CM&A within a 1/2 hr. so i dare suggest we try one of them? or do we stay and try to turn things around? that would put a huge burden on my mom, one i know she can't handle alone. only God can truly turn this church around. if He doesn't, it will probably close down. maybe I'm just bitter, but i can't help thinking it would be the best for everyone.

Through Painted Deserts

I started this book by Donald Miller about 2 months ago but got too busy to read it, so I thought I'd pick it up again before I go on my own short road-trip in two weeks. Every once in awhile I find a little paragraph in there that totally describes what I'm feeling:

"It occurs to me, as it sometimes does, that this day is over and will never be lived again, that we are only the sum of days, and when those are spent, we will not come back to this place, to this time, to these people and these colors, and I wonder whether to be sad about this or to be happy..."

"It's interesting how you sometimes have to leave home before you can ask difficult questions, how the questions never come up in the room you grew up in, in the town in which you were born. It's funny how you can't ask difficult questions in a familiar place, how you have to stand back a few feet and see things in a new way before you realize nothing that is happening to you is normal."

medora! wahhoo!!

I love the midwest. LOVE IT. I don't know if I can live anywhere else. In particular, i love minnesota, but really anywhere in the midwest is good with me. I mean, i could go anywhere on project and the only places i ever seriously considered where Traverse City, MI (which i would LOVE to visit someday) and Medora. My mom gets the magazine "midwest living" and of course they had a spread in there about the Theodore Roosevelt National Park (yep that's right). It was about roughing it while camping and the pics that accompanied the article were amazing!!

Ahh Medora. A friend recently commented something like "it's crazy that your friends get placed in far, beachy locations like mississippi and south carolina, while you are going to North Dakota." nope, nick, i picked medora. yep, seriously, i picked it. and i'm glad i did bc i wouldn't wanna be anywhere else. I know that this summer is pretty much going to be the most amazing and eventful one of my life, yes even tho i am 35 miles away from a wal-mart...and, come to think of it, a hospital. Honestly tho, it's not so much the location but the fact that I'm going on project. the general atmosphere created by the staff and students will be so unique to anything i've been a part of. add that to the amazing scenery and chances to serve the Lord & tell others about how he has changed my life so much, and that has potential for a pretty awesome summer right there!

I will stop rambling, tho, and leave you with a few wise words from my newest hero (lol) teddy roosevelt:

"Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far."
"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."
"Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground."

leaving town!

well it's been a weird past few days. didn't think packing up my stuff and leaving the dorm would be as strange as it was. don't worry, it was a good strange. on the upside, being a CA and leaving the bureaucracy that housing is was wonderful - one of the major upsides of leaving verm-town and coming home. i mean, i know i'll miss it, but in the moment of leaving my best friends who i've spent the past 9 months with, (and one friend, over a year) i was glad to have something to be happy about! ok now that sounds bad, like i wasnt happy about moving home. well, i wasn't estatic, but going on project also helped brighten the mood. But, being this sad about leaving my friends means that the Lord has blessed me soo much that these people are a part of my life!! And leaving them was the worst part of my week, which is still pretty good compared to the bad things that could happen.

Melancholy

I had a great night- ice cream, campfire, hanging with friends. But my disposition is sooo crappy right at this second. There are so many adjectives I can think of to describe how I am feeling ... pensive ... wistful ... nostalgic ... bittersweet ... basically just wishing I had more time. I am sick of finals, studying, CA stuff, and i know i will miss everyone soo much but i really want to leave. like i can't wait one more day to get out of here. i want out so bad. BUT i am going to miss everyone so much. ahhh. bittersweet fo' sho'.

100% (+)

As of today, I have reached, and exceeded, my support goal for project: $2006 dollars! sweet. God is so faithful!! so appreciate the checks and especially the encouraging notes from everyone. yay! T-minus 3 weeks to Medora!!

"What can I do, but thank you- what can I do but give my life to you"
what can I do // paul baloche
"I just want to thank you, Lord, I just want to thank you Lord."
thank you Lord // paul baloche

ahhhhh

This has been the weirdest semester...maybe even the weirdest year. Ahhh. bleh. weird. tough. odd. crazy. good. crazy. rough. up down twisted mess. ok. that's a lot of adjectives. I think it's bc I have had mixed feelings on like everything. I could REALLY delve into it all but if I started, I wouldn't stop, and I need to go on a round eventually. So I'll just skim over the top of it all by saying WEIRD. just weird.

song

I asked for strength that I might achieve;
I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey.

I asked for health that I might do greater things;
I was given infirmity that I might do better things.

I asked for riches that I might be happy;
I was given poverty that I might be wise.

I asked for power that I might have the praise of men;
I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life;
I was given life that I might enjoy all things.

I got nothing that I had asked for;
But everything I had hoped for.

Almost despite myself my unspoken prayers were answered;
I am, among all men, most richly blessed.

Our church choir sang this old song on easter. I love it. It does a perfect job of describing me and the changes I have been through and am continually going through. And just when I think I've learned my lesson, sometimes I need to relearn it- so thankful for the grace of God!

A and B

[disclaimer: this is a REALLY random thought that I am just beginning to formulate in my mind, so I'm sure once I read it I will probably think "HUH!?" or change my mind, so just keep that in mind, haha.]

I want to believe in the romantic idea that there is one perfect person out there for everyone, but I just don't think it's true for everyone- in some cases people stay single their whole lives, and in others people are happily married to several people [...at different times...but not after divorcing...like the example I'm thinking of is Elisabeth Elliot]. Once, I heard a wise person say that God's will might not be as direct and to the point as we might sometimes think- like there could be several majors one could pick in college, each resulting in different careers, but no matter what is chosen they are all God's will [i have now entered the point of no return, so i really hope that I understood this person correctly! lol]. so, there could be several people that one could marry and all would be an ok choice. question- man A could basically marry woman A or woman B. He decides to be adventurous and pick B, which means he doesn't pick A. what if man A was the only one that woman A would ever marry and man A went and picked woman B,leaving A single the rest of her life, when possibly woman B could have married man B?

I just re-read all that. wow. now i have proof i'm crazy! :P but i'll leave this post up here [why not?] in hopes of spurring some awesomely random comments from one or all three of the people that read this. [that would be mike, alyssa and kristine]

love

I am doing a book study on philippians now [FINALLY finished up james!] and i read through the following verses and i just love them:

So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God. -Philippians 1:9-11 [the message]

Love is a tricky thing. It should never be false, fake or foul. We are to love others so Jesus will be proud of us - glad that we are making him known, and making him appear fascinating- which he is. This passage tells us to be careful with our love- which sounds contradictory since we are to love everyone. But may be it's saying that you need to be careful in not just who you love, but how you love. anyway, 1 corinthians 13 isn't the only awesome chapter on love! i think this passage is awesome, too. :]

Support Raising

Wow. God is soooo faithful, which is like the theme of my life, but it's soo true!!! Support raising has been such a great experience for me. I knew I would get the money I needed, but crazy how the money poured in! So many people wished me good luck for this summer at church on Easter - and man did they contribute!! I didn't directly ask the church for money becauce they don't have any [read below]. So i sent letters to a few individuals and was so surprised at their generousity. I thought most of my money wouldn't come from people around the Springfield area, but relatives and even some family friends that I didn't think would support me did so. One of the best envelopes I opened was from a couple that my parents have been relatively good friends with for a long time- they wrote a very nice note and stuck it in the envelope w/a check...wow, it was just heartwarming to read!! One of my old high school teachers said she and her husband were involved in CCC in college- very cool! Then there's the Wells family- amazing people. nothing else to say about them, except that they are a great example to others out there. And I have to say, I am so appreciative of my friends that have supported me, both w/prayers and financially. It's so tough being in college and scraping up extra money to give to someone else- so cool to see these people offer me what they have no matter how little or how much. And then there's my grandparents. my mom mentioned they wanted to talk to me about my 'trip' before they wrote out a check and they'd talk about it with me at Easter dinner at my house. ahhhh!!! money is a big deal with them, as it is in my family, so i was definitely a bit nervous for that one. But, here is how huge of a provider God is: they wanted to ask how close I was to my goal, because they would make up the difference. ahhh!! amazing. I was so excited to hear that. My mom already said her and my dad would make up the difference if I didn't get there, but i kind of felt like they 'knew' they would have to so they offered- but I don't think they'll 'need' to give me anymore than they have after paying the registration. wow. yeah. I could tell so many more stories. ahh! God is so faithful! [sorry, had to say it one more time]!!

Easter

Got up @ 530 this morning for another wonderful sunrise Eater service at my little white church in the country. A few times I have teared up during church there, but today I did about three different times. The first was because we were late, like getting out of the car as the bells rang because no one woke Joel up [hello, he's almost 15 and knows how to set an alarm. mom went to church early to help get breakfast stuff going so of course we weren't completely put together since mom's the glue that holds the fam together] and I was crabby and so was everyone else and it was just bad. So the service starts and pretty soon I tear up again - plus we were sitting in the front row [lateness] but it wasn't real obvious - anyway, we were singing a semi-familiar hymn, but the congregation just wasn't catching on. All the women were in the kitchen downstairs cooking eggs and all the men and children were upstairs muddling through this song, plus the pews were also full of people that only come to church on Christmas and Easter so they had no idea what was going on, either. I am not real sure why this made me tear up but i thought about it and it did. Oh, I remember why- no one was enthusiastic at all. Yeah. Seriously, I was bored TO TEARS during the sermon. i was so frustrated that no one was EXCITED!! I mean, it's EASTER! come on! Like the most important day in history!! our SAVIOR rose from the dead. get excited people! argh. anyway, the third time i teared up [seriously] was during the offering when my mom and a few other ladies sang a song for special music. after almost crying twice i REALLY had to hold it in this time. Here are these wonderful women, spending all their time during the service flipping pancakes, only to take a break when they come up to sing w/ the choir [which is about half the church aka 15 pple] before the service and during offering. They were singing this song..."I didn't get anything I asked for but everything I hoped for" ... and some other lyrics that i can't remember now but made me cry. Wow I just wrote a whole huge paragraph about crying! ugh. yay for being a woman. anyway, I just wanted to kind of vent about church. there's talk of closing the doors, and I honestly don't think it's a bad idea. I don't want it to, but we are using money donated for new doors, fans and lights to pay the bills. Anyway, I am done venting now! thanks for reading [if you still are]!

update

wow! it's been a pretty crazy last week or so. i feel like i've accomplished a lot, yet nothing at all. i've spent practically no time reading my Bible, but a lot of time studying. i am super excited for the long weekend-- minimal homework and lots of sleep time! and maybe a puzzle ... and for sure some guitar playing. a LOT of guitar playing. hopefully some writing. and i want to finish let me be a woman by Elisabeth Elliot, and start/finish the case for Christ by Lee Strobel. i kind of wish i was working this weekend, tho- duty would be sooo super easy, i would be able to get a lot done since no one's here, and i would be able to make some money! AND i would be able to go to hillside on sunday- yay for exciting church!! whooops did i write that? eh it's true. oh well. i have an econ exam tomorrow ... yay! [not!] bleh. ooo! i thought of another fun thing about this weekend - first time i am home since i started support raising for project ... i finally get to add up my money and figure out how much i have! def. excited. it hasn't really bothered me because i know the Lord will provide - i really, really believe that he'll provide what i need, but then everyone talks about their totals, etc so then that makes me want to know. also i am assuming i'll be fielding some tough questions from parents, friends, etc on the whole deal. mm. when we spoke about our summer plans @ hillside and asked for prayer support, i was really excited to let people know what i was doing, etc. but talking to non-christian's about it sometimes gets me down because i know they won't TRULY understand where i'm coming from. I have moved from the "yuck this is an obligation to tell them" to "i have this awesome opportunity to share w/them what God's done and doing in my life" but still sometimes i trudge through it. anyway, that's probably about all for the night bc i want to study a bit [ok, cram a LOT] before i go to bed, so i am signing off!

more sweet lyrics

take these hands. lift them up. for i have not the strength to praise you near enough. i have nothing, i have nothing, without you. take my voice. pour it out. let it sing the songs of mercy i have found. for i have nothing, i have nothing, without you. all my soul needs is your love to cover me so all the world will see i have nothing without you. take my time here on earth. let it glorify all that You are worth. for I am nothing, I am nothing, I am nothing without You.

nothing without you//bebo norman

Roller-Coaster

that's the only way to describe this week. odd ups and downs and strange feelings/emotions and mucho studying and working have been weighing me down. today was a downhill ride until i got one short e-mail that pretty much turned it to an uphill climb. i think that since wednesday is my crap day...every single week...that thursdays are always uphill climbs. anyway, i have to go on a round now. yay for 6 days until another wednesday comes around!

yuck

bleh. i knew this week would be crappy and it pretty much is. Mon-duty, Exam Wed +duty, 2 Exams on Fri, Duty saturday, Paper due Tues, Exam Wed, meetings galore...yuck. yay for easter break now only 10 days away. You know what's totally random? All my posts on here are at night. they are always after 11pm. why don't I just go to bed instead of writing on here? I don't get enough sleep anyway.

Danen Kane Lyrics

I would just like to say that Danen Kane is amazing. He played at our CRU meeting last week, and tonight I added him to my myspace. the same night, he left me a message saying thanks for adding him, and he enjoyed meeting and talking w/me. I bought his newest CD at the concert and I LOVE IT! can't put it down. I learned how to play 'He Loves You' from that CD and posted it online. sweet. here are the lyrics-

Danen Kane - He Loves You
from the 2006 CD 'She'
www.danenkane.com

Another morning after has come. He left before your eyes had awoken.
The smell of alcohol surrounds your head.
Your blurry vision sees your empty bed.
Your mascara runs to catch your tears.
The darkness only reminds you of your fears.
You feel you're so filthy God can't even look you in the face.
Beautiful little girl you're forgotten the wonders of His grace.

He Loves You

The lies say you're in too deep and there's no turning back.
They say your mind is rotten and your heart is black.
Dear sister, let me tell you that's not true, no that's not true.
Rught now He knocks at your heart and He is there waiting for you

He loves You
He loves You

You see a defiled body, he sees a buried treasure.
Unlock the chest that has been waiting for you.
Break out that old dusty Bible, let Christ lead your soul to revival
If I can't reach your heart with my pen then, I'll have to sing it again.

He Loves You.

John 4:23 [msg version]

There are tons of verses in the Bible i love- some of which i know from heart. but i lately I've been thinking about how often verses get taken out of context and get distorted. for example, read this-

Jesus said, 'That's the kind of people the Father
is looking out for: those who are simply and honestly
themselves before him in their worship.'

after reading this I think, That's so true. the Lord wants us to be true in our worship of him- to not think about ourselves- to give him glory. but this is actually only part of the verse. the complete verse is:

But the time is coming-it has, in fact, come-when what
you're called will not matter and where you go to worship will not matter. 'It's who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship.'

Now, there is a lot more I think about. Additionally, I think It doesn't matter if I go to a lutheran church or baptist church or christian & missionary alliance church- it's my attitude when I worship there. It matters how I live, because I want to serve and honor God is all I do, and somethings I do are not consistent with that.

relationships, marriage and love- oh my!

Is it just me or is EVERYONE getting married these days!? Nuts. In the next few months I know of 4 couples tying the knot, and 2 more are engaged. And there are probably more out there. So maybe not everyone is getting married. But it seems like everyone is fluctuating between two 'extremes' - either engaged or single. Maybe it just seems this way because the past month it seems all anyone's talked about is love.

Hilarious!

I have a 3-5 page research paper due in a few weeks for my wealth and justice [IDEA foundation] class. Today we went to the library to research and finalize our topics. I had a hard time deciding on one- my prof told us to pick something we are interested in, but in that class it's hard to get excited about anything. A few days ago i was searching for something on the internet and I stumbled upon Social Choice Theory, which led me to Public Choice Theory, both of which I knew nothing about. I read up on it a bit and started reseaching PCT today in class. It started to slightly interest me, so I asked my prof about it. He exclaimed, "Wow! You must be an econ major to tackle that topic!!" I think this is the most hilarious statement I have heard from a professor this semester. AN ECON MAJOR!? Yah right. I would rather major in Biology than economics [and I dislike bio very much]. Anyway, we talked about it for like 10 minutes in class- I was surprised at his careful consideration of the topic. It's a tough one and would require a lot of research and reading, and even then it would be a hard paper to write. He also said he didn't want to totally discourage it if he thought I could handle it, because he's told people the same thing every year and they pull it off. So we researched some authors I could check out to get a better picture of the topic. I eventually settled on voting/elections and class structure, etc. During a silent spell my prof asked me what my major was, so I told him. [darn. now he knows I'm a journalism major. he will surely expect a wonderful paper from me.] He said it's important for writers to know something about economics. He also said he's convinced I'll become an econ major before the end of the year. ha! maybe when the vikings win the superbowl.

I Love You

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out.

~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Encouragement & a Reminder

And I forgot to write last thursday- but at the last CRU, Danen Kane led us in worship and played for us after our meeting. So awesome. It was nice to just be in the audience for once. I know I focus too much on my self when I'm up on stage leading, but I've been working through it lately and have really grown in that area. I talked w/Danen afterwards and he was so encouraging to keep at it. After his set I just wanted to run back to my room and write some more songs!! crazy. We also had a speaker about the final purpose in our Purpose-Driven Life series. "Made for a Mission" - Loved it. And Allison (speaker) put up a pick of sara & amber - man i miss them!! so glad i got a chance to get to know them last year. Back to the message. Yes, it really hit me because i need to do a better job of fulfilling my mission right here, right now. I focus too much on what's to come- Graduation and what to do afterwards, the rest of my college career, living in our farmhouse next year, summer project- so much to distract me from my girls on 2B. Chapter 37: "Your mission field is all around you. Don't miss the opportunities God is giving you." What a great reminder!

faithful.

The Lord is so faithful. I realize I often limit his power and even his sovereignty. Every day he continues to amaze me with project support checks, in my devo times, even just in my wonderful friends who are here to encourage me when I'm trudging along through life. He is Father, Protector, Faithful Provider, and I love him more each day.

QUOTES!

i love quotes. always have, always will. here are some random sayings of my wealth & justice prof:

"In playing devils advocate I'm always concerned I might convince some people."
"If they're unemployed, they usually have less income."
"You know, if our tax laws were less confusing, then all those tax lawyers and accountants would have to do something meaningful with their lives."

My Favorite Band EVER

Probably a little known fact about me- my favorite BAND ever is Nine Days [b.dill is still one of my fave singers, right up there w/shawn mcdonald, don't worry.] here's some more lyrics that i love-

Could it be that you want more than your place in the Sun?
Could it be you've reached the end and you've only begun?
I will not waste my time here, I will not waste my life here,
Waiting for you...

You're beautiful unlike anyone,
Like a whisper and a breeze you were gone.
You're everything that the heart would sing,
And now without you I'm just like a disease,
Slowly fading...

beautiful // nine days

the week

i have been so dysfunctional over the past 10 days. the worst part is i know i've been dysfunctional, i don't just think i have been. and right now, [i don't feel good about it] the following song fits my mood:

In my heartsent my confession my condolence,
You're indefinite you're incompetent inconsiderate.
You're so childish,
I will push you out of what is real out of my head.
You can stick and drown at your residence of dissapointments,
Are of yours to come.
So embrace them oh my shallow one today,
If I could change anything then I would change everything.
These bitter days shall remain.

bitter // nine days

Spring ... Break?

Serveski 06 was a pretty awesome trip. relaxin in rapid, spaghetti, skating & hiking with the Torbert crew, hanging out at the cabin, driving down to mission to white eagle (or black bird, according to joy) christian academy, cleanin & organizing one of their classrooms, basketball with local kids and tons of fun.

after that, joy and i headed down to hastings, nebraska to her house. went out to eat, watched a few movies, hung out w/family, went to kansas [yes, that's right]. drove up to springfield, minnesota on friday [seriously took about 7 hrs i think]. hung out with family, watched a few movies, ate a lot, drove back to verm on sunday through a snow storm. all around, a pretty good break! :] not sure if there was much 'break' in there but it's all good.

studying habits

for a long time now i've known i'm weird. can't be helped. :] but i have these phases that i go through when i study for tests:

overwhemled/clueless ... this is when i have began to look at my notes and I realize I should have started studying long before the current point in time. at this point I am still slightly hopeful that I'll be able to understand the material in time for the exam.

frustrated ... at this point I am ready to throw the book I am reading out the window - frequently occurs with accounting. this state of mind develops after I have spent a lot of time reading, studying, memorizing terms and I still don't understand anything. at times, like in accounting, i can't get past this step- either lack of motivation, desire, or time, which is not good for the grades.

fun ... this is when homework and studying finally becomes enjoyable!! yay! like w/ business stats - after I spend some time reviewing and working problems, and I understand it, I can sit and do it for hours.

bored ... i also seldom get to this stage where the material bores me to death. this stage sometimes surfaces with the material in some mass comm classes.

hold on for just one more week

weekends. i look forward to them from the moment i get up monday morning…sometimes from the moment i go to bed sunday night. i was really looking forward to this weekend after a stressful week of class. but good ol' duty kept me stuck in the dorms. I got a fair amount accomplished- not as much as I hoped, but then again I never do. I thought I would be able to catch up on sleep…hello- I was on duty who was I kidding?

I really thought this 'alone time' would be good for me. A lot of friends were gone/went home, which was kind of nice. I didn’t have any plans except work for 5 hrs on Saturday, and I thought I would be able to spend some quality time w/Jesus and my textbooks. Ahhhh but i was not alone. my thoughts entertained me for most of my long afternoons. And nights. ugh this was just a weird weekend. My several cans of mt. dew probably did not help. It was weird in many ways … Melissa stopped by the dorms to hang out- which was fun, but weird to see her in the dorm. We [melissa, laura and I] watched RENT last night. Kinda glad I didn’t stay up just to watch it. I like the overall theme of the movie, but it’s basically 2.25 hrs of homosexuals infected w/ AIDS singing about life, love, and crack. Got up @ 530am to tell the boys on Norton to shut up. Checked back on em 5 mins later and they were surprisingly quiet. Weird.

All in all I think it was weird because it’s kind of been an emotional roller coaster the past few days. Asking my ‘rents for $$ is never easy for me [esp since it was registration for project], but they were surprisingly ok with it. Pretty sweet. Studying accounting bums me out because I don’t understand it. It’s like calc. I totally understand everything about some sections. And others, no matter how much I read and re-read and do homework problems on it, I just don’t get it. I’m just mad at myself that I can’t do better. Actually I’m mad that I don’t care enough to do better. No, I’m mad that I think I’ll just be able to understand it with not a lot of effort. There we go. That’s why I’m mad. and now i realized I'm really not accomplishing anything in this post, and i could be if i wasn't writing it. peace out.

Olympic Surprise

"I love Jesus. [Being a Christian] is more joyful than all this snowboarding stuff." -Kelly Clark, Olympic Snowboarer

pretty sweet.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/olympics/2006/writers/02/13/clark.pipe/

Summer 06: Project

Almost forgot! I received an e-mail today from the Medora Summer Project women staff leader person that I have been accepted! I am soooo excited. Not sure where I'm staying, where I'm working, how much it costs, but I know it will be an amazing summer. 10 weeks in the Badlands of North Dakota ... a bunch of college students from the Upper Midwest ... yay!

also cool that some of my very good friends will be having a similar but yet uniquely awesome experience as I will this summer:
Joy will be going to North Myrtle Beach for about 10 weeks
Alyssa will spend 6 weeks in New Orleans helping with Katrina Clean-up
Julie will spend a month in New York w/art students

[disclaimer: if you have no idea what i'm talking about...Campus Crusade for Christ offers Summer Missions Projects every year. you spend a chunk of your summer in one of several beautiful locations across the US, building relationships with those you work with and holding outreaches and socials on weekends and building relationships with other college students who want to grow in their faith.]

don't wanna know

my very good friend alyssa had a very weird dream about me last night involving a guy friend and a pregnant me ... yes, very weird. I tend to analyze things (WAY too much) but this is one i do not want to think about! crazy.

family

I went home last weekend. Good times- I had fun. I love my family. I absolutely hate the transition between going home and coming back here. For some reason, it's hard. You'd think with the two and a half hour drive I would be able to clear my head. My problem could be that I'm scared that I am two people- that I'm different when I'm at home. I feel like I always have to watch what I do, watch what I say. A lot of people might think that I hate going home because I don't like my family - it's not that. I hate going home because I don't like who I am when I'm at home. Sometimes I get so proud because I see others trying to compete with me and, compared to them, I "have everything figured out." Pride is a big thing when I am with my family. I am proud of them, and I love being with them, but sometimes I can't help feeling proud that I have a more purposeful life and they don't. Shouldn't that make me want to share my life with them? I try to, and I want to, but sometimes I just don't want to have to explain everything to them. I want them just to know how I feel. I want them to understand. I want to be able to say things like "Well, I'll pray for you because you're struggling with that," and have them thank me, not look at me like I'm nuts. Ahhh self-centeredness is evil. Here I am complaining and life could be much worse. I don't like the fact that I need a constant reminder to be not so dramatic, that God has blessed my life so much with everything he's given me. But I see reminders every day, and, in the words of the amazing bethany dillon, "all that I can do is hold on to you, and let you bring me through- it's all that I can do."

Etiquette is on the ropes - Opinion

Etiquette is on the ropes - Opinion

review

sorry, alyssa and others, for not updating you on my life over this past week. it's basically been the longest week of my life, after being sick the whole time and spending more time in the bathroom on thursday and friday than I did in class. And that's about it. Now I am feeling sooo much better and I'm so glad! :]

go for it

i was in the bathroom on 1st floor [loren was cleaning ours] and I was reading the little postings in my stall and one of them was the Top 11 Risks you must take. Number 8 on that list was... "record the song, produce the film, write the novel - even if you don't think any one else will like it." :D pretty cool.

February 6th, 2006

A daughter is a precious gift, a blessing from above.
She's laughter, warmth and special charm, she's thoughtfulness and love.
God blesses her with special joy that some from deep inside,
and as she shares it with the world, she fills your heart with pride.
With every year that passes, she's dearer than before.
Through every stage- through every age, you love her even more!

-bday card from my parents :]

Another day, another year older. Feels good to be twenty. I am so thankful for my amazing friends ... God has blessed me so much with bringing you girls into my life!! Seriously, I could write a book on how wonderful ya'll are. :]

pre-bday fun

Well Friday didn't start out to be a great day, but by the end of it I was pretty happy. Class was boring, I sort of dressed up and got a few complements so that was nice [thanks girls!] We headed to sioux falls at 2pm and did a little shopping, and then we went to Gigglebee's for supper. It's like a Chuck e Cheese's, only waay more old-school. There is this wolf robot thing that rides around on a tricycle delivering the food to the tables [a guy controls it and talks for it]. When it brought us our pizza, it said "I hear someone has a birthday!! Is amy at the table??" I pretty much almost died of embarassment. THEN he said "How old are you, amy?" When I said 20, he replied "Holy Cow." The funniest part was he didn't even say it with much emotion, just shock: "holy cow." I think he didn't expect that! Then everyone there [all family's with really little kids] sang happy bday to me. ahh embarrasing. We played laser tag which was fun, and some arcade games. The guys pooled together all their tickets they had won from the games and bought me a deck of cards that are round like coasters. Pretty sweet gift!! Then we went to Falls Park for a bit, which was sweet. I had never been there. Def. a romantic spot for couples! Then we went to the [other] River [worship event thing every friday night]. After THAT we went to IHOP, and then we played cranium after that at mike's apt. Sad to say, the honors kids didn't do too well. ;) I can't believe we all spent like 12 hrs together! On the walk back to the dorm it felt like the whole weekend had gone by .... but it hadn't. I was even sad to leave. Honestly, I thought maybe after 12 hrs I would be a little crabby from hanging out with the same 10-ish people but I didn't. I have such great friends!! :]

20

I just saw a hilarious commercial for the Siouxland Federal Credit Union. It had this cute little girl talking about growing up.... "An then I'll get married, pick a boy ... and then I'll have glasses ... and a job ... and then when I am 20 I'll be REALLY OLD."

Monday, I'll be 20. I feel slightly old after that commercial. ;)

too many potatoes.

three posts in one day ... that's crazy.

right now i am frustrated. really frustrated. i thought i managed my time SO well today ... i watched a half hour of TV while i ate lunch this afternoon and that was it. Honestly, it was the only down time i had all day until now. i worked on homework and crusade and RA stuff ALL DAY and i feel like i didn't get ANYWHERE. i feel like a sack of potatoes are weighing on each shoulder. everytime i try to get something done, one more potato just gets thrown in the bag. Jesus, take these potatoes off my shoulders. If they are here much longer they are going to rot and smell and i will not be able to stand it any more.

Wealth and Justice ... and religion?

During my wealth & justice class this morning, we had to write an answer to this question, then discuss it in groups: "How have your family/experiences/beliefs/etc shaped your view of economic justice?"

my group of 6 people talked about farming the whole time which was interesting to hear about. after all the groups spoke the prof then gave his answer to the question- he said he is a "Catholic, one that is relatively serious," {or he said something like that}, and proceeded to talk about how that affected his view of income distribution and stuff. I didn't really understand him [not a new feeling] but he didn't really make his point very clear. I never thought about my spiritual beliefs in terms of economics before ... but I the way he meant it, he wanted people to speak up about their different denominations. Probably good that no one did, as I think a HUGE debate would have occured. But this was all during the last 5 minutes of class so no one is willing to share their opinion then because we all want to LEAVE! ;)

He is an interesting prof to say the least. I wish I had something profound to talk about during class since we'll be graded partially on how much we speak up. My motto for this class: "Better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

Captivating

I am reading this book [captivating] by John and Stasi Eldredge. I started it a few weeks ago and I have really enjoyed it so far. The subtitle is "Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul." pretty interesting. It basically revolves around 3 main desires that women have- to be swept into a romance, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, to be the Beauty of the story. They call these things the secret to the feminine heart.

Whether all or some women really do have these desires because we were created with them, or even one of them, I think makes a lot of valid points. But none struck me very deeply until Chapter 4: Wounded. It talks about the relationship between mothers, fathers & their daughters, and how we are deeply affected for the rest of our lives by the things we experience as a child. It talks about wounded hearts, and how common they are in many women today. It talks about fathers, and the two extremes they could fall in to: becoming driven & violent, strength gone bad - or becoming passive, silent men [like Adam], strength gone away. [Important distinction: I [and the authors] are not saying every man is like this, or turns out to be this way]. The chapter goes on to explore the wounds our mothers give us.

It really picks up when the issue of our wounds is put under a light - how the messages of our wounds shape us- the way our feelings, as a product of these wounds, turn us into who we are. Then comes the topic of wounded femininity, which is where my eyes grew wide.

"As a reulst of the wounds we receive growing up, we come to believe that some part of us, maybe even every part of us, is marred. Shame enters in and makes us look away, so we avoid eye contact with strangers and friends. Shame is that feeling that haunts us, the sense that if someone really knew us, they would shake their heads in disgust and run away. Shame makes us feel, no, believe that we do not measure up-not to the world's standards, the church's standars, or our own. ... "We are lacking. We know we are not all that we long to be, all that God longs for us to be, but instead of coming up for grace-filled air and asking God what he thinks of us, shame keeps us pinned down and gasping, believing that we deserve to suffocate. If we were not deemed worthy of love as children, it is incredibly difficult to believe we are worth loving as adults. Shame says we are unworthy, broken, and beyond repair."

There are a few more pages after this paragraph but I won't go in to any more detail. This chapter might seem kind of random right now but read in the context of the book it makes more sense. I guess you will have to just read it! :]

aha!

The mystery has been solved! our crazy bio prof helenurm is from CANADA ... go figure. no wonder he says 'rezources' and such.

on a separate, random note, we were talking about predators in class on friday. meghan and i were both so out of it because we wrote down 'pray' instead of 'prey.' man that class was boring!

nuts

can I just crawl in my bed and sleep until february? maybe until my birthday? this is the second busiest time of year [first, being finals]. talk about committing myself to a lot of stuff. i am borderline over committed. 'just say no, amy...just say no.'

Vespers!

I love Vespers. It gives me the chance to finally offer my thoughts & praises to the Lord. I know I'm not supposed to worship to get something out of it, but I can't help but feel good after giving God my full attention for even just an hour. It actually almost makes me a little mad because I want to sit and worship forever!...but I can't. I know I have to get back to the 'real world...' even though I do, I know I can still offer God my thanks and live my life for him, which is true worship.

"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life--your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life--and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him." ~Romans 12:1 [the msg]

"It's amazing!"

man, this is going to be an interesting semester of BIO 103 ... so far i've learned that:

1. Fish do not blow bubbles. Yet, our biology books shows little fishes with bubbles coming out of their mouths.
2. Ivory from tusks of elephants are apparently an aphrodisiac. yay.
3. "It's all about sex and death. They're the only things that really matter."
4. "Many of the same type of fish are just called 'fish,' not fishes."
5. "Males and females are different. We sort of know that."
6. "Most of us love the subject of us."
7. "So I hate it because it's stupid."
8. "We live in the only country where poor people are fat."
9. "Old people die more."
10."We're busy doing things all the time ... like polluting."
11."You've got MITES living in your EYEBROWS! HA!!"

interest

maybe it's just me but it seems that lately, a lot of people are becoming more interested in spiritual things. Movies, especially- Passion of the Christ, Lord of the Rings, Chronicles of Narnia, End of the Spear all have a Gospel message, good vs. evil type feel. even a lot of the popular books coming out are about changing your life, living with a purpose, finding something important to focus on. cool that there are all these options to use to start up conversations with people!

back to v-town

well, classes start in one week and today was my last day @ home. tomorrow i leave for v-town, knowing i have accomplished the following:

finished over 1/2 of my gov't class! yay!
work on my novel...just a bit but i have some great ideas brewing
finished Screwtape Letters!
did not start 'Through Painted Deserts'-
...altho i started 'Candide' by Voltaire
reworked a few songs & wrote a new one

all in all, it was a good break. i also managed to do a few puzzles and hung out w/relatives & friends. ahh but i cannot wait to be busy w/school stuff again!

church

ahhh so many thoughts running through my head. that's what my church at home does to you. sadly i always come out of a service at little Christ Lutheran more confused than when i went in. Our pastor was gone today [sidenote: he didn't tell anyone in our congregation he wouldn't be there] so we had a different pastor do the service and his wife [a pastor-in-training] do the sermon.

I'm not going to lie, it was a good sermon. But there's the whole woman-as-preachers debate that i don't wanna get in to. The idea of no women pastors wouldn't be so hard for me to swallow if i didn't like their sermons a LOT better than any man i've heard preach [in a lutheran church, that is]. I can't help thinking the elementary thought that if God didn't want women to be pastors, couldn't he just make them all do a really bad job so no one churches would want to hire them and no one would like them? wow, that looks even dumber in writing than it sounded in my head. Just another one of those things that God wants people to figure out for themselves. Good thing he gave us the Bible to help us figure it out!

Now on to the statement "The church is not a building." Yes. Obviously true. yet i see so many hearts in our congregation that are unwilling to serve, people acting like they love coming to church even tho I know they don't. people that don't even pretend they like coming to church but feel obligated to, and for some reason they show up anyway. No wonder our church is ripping apart at the seams. These people are not a church. These people do not need religion. They need a relationship w/God.

As long as I'm 'on my soap box' I will cover one small reason for our melancholy congregation: our liturgy. I understand that it makes people feel comfortable, it's tradition, probably like 95% is even biblical. But's a ROUTINE. It becomes such a routine that, if you're not careful, worship becomes mindless, heartless and pointless.

I can't wait until I get back to Hillside Community Church.

the future...ooo scary!

What I am doing with the rest of my life?

ha. loaded question. there are a lot of people I could get advice from, books i could read, etc. But check out this verse: "Don't be stupid. Instead, find out what the Lord wants you to do." -Ephesians 5:17 [cev]

hm. that works!

now, to find out what the Lord wants me to do

... lol. that might take some time.
good thing i have my whole life to figure it out!

gifts

A small observation:
My parents & I gave Joy a DVD and a CD for Christmas - both gifts I would love to receive. Joy/her parents gave me a jewelry box, bracelet & necklace - all gifts that joy would love to receive. Now, I like to get gifts no matter what they are, and I LOVE my jewelry. I think it's funny when we realize we often give someone what we would want to receive. Nothin wrong with that!

TCX '05

First, let me say that TCX is the winter conference of Campus Crusade for Christ. There are 10 conferences all over the US- places like San Deigo, Spokane WA, DC, Atlanta, Denver- over 10,000 students participate total. At TCX [twin-cities xperience] 1400 college students in the upper midwest-IA, SD, ND, MN, WI- got together for four days at the Hilton in Minneapolis to go to seminars, listen to speakers, worship, pray and grow!! It's sweet. There. My schpeel is now complete.

Second, I've actually been avoiding blogging about the conference. There is so much to tell! About halfway through the 4 days I remember saying the trip was worth it, but I had more fun the year before. WRONG! I had just as much fun, probably even more. And I learned a lot, too. I learned that I focus too much on the future, and I'm missing what's happening right now. I'm focusing too much on summer project and what I could do after graduation that I am missing the relationships I could be building now and women I could be influencing on my floor.

I learned that I have not been leading with a heart of worship last semester, of which I am very regretful. Being put in the position of leading worship for CRU has been awesome and I love doing, but God showed me that I really was not revealing my heart in doing so. I was too concerned with practices, equipment problems & nerves to truly worship Him. God is so faithful that He continues to teach me something new every day.