Coffeeless Lent.

I gave up coffee for Lent this year.

(No, seriously. I did).

It has been so .... hard. And good. And so very enlightening. To deny myself the routine of a cup of brewed coffee first thing in the morning, or a latte at Starbucks in the afternoon, was hard. Really hard. It's silly how hard it was.

Not having it made me realize how much I rely on it to fulfill desires, like wanting to feel at ease in a stressful environment, or wanting to feel happy in the midst of a bad day, or wanting to spend time with a certain friend, who I know also loves coffee...so naturally, why wouldn't we get coffee?

These wantings are not necessarily bad, but is coffee really always the best way to fulfill them?

The first couple weeks, I had to remind myself I wasn't drinking it. I'd mentally prepare myself when I walked into a coffee shop; No, you're going to get hot chocolate, or chai- or nothing at all. You're not going to break this fast. I would literally have this internal dialogue going on the whole time I was in the store.

It got much easier, and I wouldn't think about it as much. For the first week, I didn't tell anyone I was giving it up, which helped me keep my focus on the purpose. (I actually cut back the week before in preparation, which was smart). Slowly I started telling a few people here and there, mainly because they would offer me free drink coupons or BOGOs and I had to explain that no, I wasn't crazy for shooting them down, there was a purpose to my refusal.

There have also been some surprising benefits, which are not why I gave it up. For the first couple weeks I slept. A lot. By 930pm my eyelids were drooping and when the alarm went off at 630am I would wake up realizing I didn't toss and turn as much as I normally do. And I didn't need to snooze because I felt rested.

Another surprise is my finger nails. It's possible that my unusual success at not biting them can be attributed to something other than my lack of coffee. But I think having less caffeine (...a LOT less caffeine) over the course of 6 weeks decreased my anxiety levels. For the first time in 27 years, I have fingernails I can actually paint.

And then there's the financial benefit. The funny thing is, I got quite a few birthday gift cards to favorite local coffee shops. I did use them up on hot chocolate and chai when I was out with friends or had a meeting at a coffee shop, but they definitely wouldn't have lasted as long if I were drinking coffee.

Benefits aside, I'm so glad I gave it up. It's caused me to die to my selfish desires, to buy what I want when I want even though I don't need it. It's caused me to realize how often I turn to something other than Christ to fulfill my longings.

I'll definitely keep drinking coffee regularly after Lent. In fact, I've got a coupon for a caramel macchiato, so I'll probably use it Monday morning. But I don't think I'll ever view coffee in the same way again.

Today I went to a funeral of a friend of mine. He was 27. He died suddenly, with no warning, one week ago today. It was a total shock.

As I think about his life and reflect on some fun memories, it's hard not to ask why. I know that's usually the first question many people ask when a loved one dies or something bad happens. In this case, the why seems a little more legitimate. Dave was a faithful servant, who was passionate about sharing the hope of Jesus with other people. He was so young with so much life ahead to live. We know of no cause of death at this time- no preventable accident or disease. There's no one to blame, no reasonable cause. He just died.

The last blog post Dave wrote was entitled "Oh Death, Where is Your Sting?"

He wrote, "Because of the Spirit, and my faith in God's sovereignty, I trust that He knows what He's doing... Although death is often a harrowing time in the life of many, my prayer is that Christ is displayed as the Victor over it in our lives and in the lives of others as we love them."

I know I can question God all I want, but he doesn't have to give me an answer. In the midst of the questioning, I trust Him. He's Sovereign. He knows what He's doing.

Dave's life was short in our earthly standards- but it was so full; of love, faith, challenges, victories, and fun. His 27 years here were a gift, and I'm so thankful for them. He loved well, he lived well and he honored God above all else. May I live the same way the rest of my days, however many there are.

"This life is not my own, this world is not my home, the gospel must be known."

Blogging.

I've been avoiding my blog for the last few weeks. Every time I try to write a post, I get halfway through and can't seem to muster up the discipline to finish. Suddenly I want to re-organize my sock door, floss my teeth, or bake a pan of pumpkin bars I've been meaning to make for months.

I have 12 drafts started. Twelve. Then there's the 5 e-mails in my personal inbox that I sent to myself in the last week, saying "blog about _______" - with a few sentences explaining my thoughts on the matter that I can only hope will jog my memory enough to actually finish a post.

I don't think I really have a point in writing this. But it feels good to write it. At the very least, this will be one post that I start and finish without getting up to check my half gallon of milk in the fridge to make sure it hasn't expired yet.

Maybe this is why so many people have blogs. They just want to write, even if it seems pointless or uninteresting to the reader. I've heard before that somewhere between 60-80% of blogs are abandoned within 1 month of being created. That still leave millions of bloggers out there. Some blogs serve a specific purpose that wouldn't be fulfilled if no one read them. Other bloggers care not whether the reader is inspired or encouraged; they blog because of the things they discover in the midst of blogging.