Coffeeless Lent.

I gave up coffee for Lent this year.

(No, seriously. I did).

It has been so .... hard. And good. And so very enlightening. To deny myself the routine of a cup of brewed coffee first thing in the morning, or a latte at Starbucks in the afternoon, was hard. Really hard. It's silly how hard it was.

Not having it made me realize how much I rely on it to fulfill desires, like wanting to feel at ease in a stressful environment, or wanting to feel happy in the midst of a bad day, or wanting to spend time with a certain friend, who I know also loves coffee...so naturally, why wouldn't we get coffee?

These wantings are not necessarily bad, but is coffee really always the best way to fulfill them?

The first couple weeks, I had to remind myself I wasn't drinking it. I'd mentally prepare myself when I walked into a coffee shop; No, you're going to get hot chocolate, or chai- or nothing at all. You're not going to break this fast. I would literally have this internal dialogue going on the whole time I was in the store.

It got much easier, and I wouldn't think about it as much. For the first week, I didn't tell anyone I was giving it up, which helped me keep my focus on the purpose. (I actually cut back the week before in preparation, which was smart). Slowly I started telling a few people here and there, mainly because they would offer me free drink coupons or BOGOs and I had to explain that no, I wasn't crazy for shooting them down, there was a purpose to my refusal.

There have also been some surprising benefits, which are not why I gave it up. For the first couple weeks I slept. A lot. By 930pm my eyelids were drooping and when the alarm went off at 630am I would wake up realizing I didn't toss and turn as much as I normally do. And I didn't need to snooze because I felt rested.

Another surprise is my finger nails. It's possible that my unusual success at not biting them can be attributed to something other than my lack of coffee. But I think having less caffeine (...a LOT less caffeine) over the course of 6 weeks decreased my anxiety levels. For the first time in 27 years, I have fingernails I can actually paint.

And then there's the financial benefit. The funny thing is, I got quite a few birthday gift cards to favorite local coffee shops. I did use them up on hot chocolate and chai when I was out with friends or had a meeting at a coffee shop, but they definitely wouldn't have lasted as long if I were drinking coffee.

Benefits aside, I'm so glad I gave it up. It's caused me to die to my selfish desires, to buy what I want when I want even though I don't need it. It's caused me to realize how often I turn to something other than Christ to fulfill my longings.

I'll definitely keep drinking coffee regularly after Lent. In fact, I've got a coupon for a caramel macchiato, so I'll probably use it Monday morning. But I don't think I'll ever view coffee in the same way again.