the future.

so i know this has come up in basically every post from the past weeks... months...ok all year. but it's been on my mind every day, so that's why I blog about it -- especially because I obsess about it so much that people don't want to hear about it anymore, which is totally understandable.

ANYWAY, ever since Fall Retreat this year (moreso since the middle of summer project) I have been considering my different options after graduation. and it's scary for me to think about because I absolutely LOVE where I am at right now! I am sure by the time that day comes, I'll be ok with moving on, hopefully I'll be reading and wanting to move on.

Really recently I have been thinking about the specific steps I am taking towards my future, and where I could possibly end up after graduation based on what I am doing this year in college.

And that scared me all last semester because I realized I wasn't doing much of anything! Don't get me wrong -- I do stuff. I do a LOT of stuff including a full class load and many extracurriculars, as well as church responsibilities. So I do a lot, but nothing that could help me get my foot in the door for a job after college.

The problem was I just didn't have a passion for one specific thing, esp in the business world. I often get discouraged by others in the b-school at USD because they seem so money hungry no-ethics-success-driven already. And that totally turns me off of everything in the business field.

So this has all been on my mind for 6 months. Literally, not a day goes by I don't think about the future. The main (and probably only) reason it scared me because I had no passion for anything except the stuff I've been learning about and doing with Campus Crusade. And that's fine -- I will totally go on staff if that's what God wants. And that decision is another post in itself.

Back to my life. So I do stuff with crusade, cool. So, after this summer of amazing project adventures in which I spiritually grew the most in 10 weeks than I think I did the 2 years I had been a Christian up to that point, I finally became ok, even excited, about the fact that maybe someday I would just go on staff. I really think that might be where I end up.

But what if I don't? THAT was the question that's been so hard to deal with recently. I can trust God that he knows what I'm supposed to do directly out of college, but I still need to take steps towards a goal. Because what if I just kept on with Crusade and then that wasn't the plan after graduation?? Then I invested so much time in something that is worth it, but I don't have any idea what to do with my life.

Here enters in HR. Human Resources. I never thought I would be a good manager of people, etc -- I am better with computers and math, which is why accounting attracted me right away. I can do numbers, not people. But that's why HR Management is so great for me -- because I NEED to learn about it bc I don't know a thing about it!

I can be a very behind-the-scenes person sometimes, which is why HR is perfect for me. hold that thought. wow, this is a really long post. I will finish tomorrow.