not this time.

finishing that previous post (and there was much more i could have added) seems pretty silly now as I didn't get the amazing, perfect job. or what i thought would have been that amazing, perfect job. guess not! hard not to be bitter right now. it just SEEMED so perfect. the timing was right on- both in the semester, and in my years in college. tons of thoughts are running thru my mind...

first, why didn't i get the job? my tests were good, the interview went decently. of course I had the thought that they possibly didn't hire me because i wouldn't be able to work 6 weeks this summer as I would be in brazil (hopefully). i can't see that as a possibility, but i guess i will not ever know.

i know i should be happy that God has an ultimate plan and for some reason, this wasn't in it for me. and i'm so thankful to God for giving me all he has this year and in my life, especially since college. honestly, these last 2 years have been the best of my life. in the grand scheme of things, my life is pretty great and i don't have a lot to worry about. i shouldn't worry about any of it, but i'm human and flawed, and I'm amy, worry is like my middle name. you're reading about the life of a girl that has never had fingernails longer than 1cm. (seriously).

ugh. i can't believe how crappy this feels. and how hard it is to not get what you want. I've not gotten my way plenty of times before, and it's never been like this.

and even as I sit here, thinking about how up in the air my immediate future is (how to pay rent for the rest of the semester, what to do with my summer after brazil, am I even going to brazil?), I have to believe that God will get me thru it somehow, in some way. he didn't give me what I thought I deserved/was His will/was best for me. but he'll give me that which I need, not want. and i can't imagine life without him.

God is sovereign. He loves me. He is good. God is very, very good to me.